I was thinking about what I would say to a therapist, if I were to try to explain who and what I am. My first thought was this: I am the product of either environment or biological wiring, and I am looking for the person who has the opposite need to mine. That is, to give the power I seek to take.
Then my mind wandered over all the pitfalls, the arguments that might be made why I should seek therapy, why I should try to change who I am. The number one argument that came back why I shouldn’t change, is that I like who I am.
I don’t want to be like everyone else in normal society. I like the idea that I can have the freedom to express myself in my weird kinky ways. I like that what I am, and who I am with. That we feel great isn’t something to fix.
I often come back to the quote from an acquaintance from Florida who said.. I have never been so free as when I am in my chains. Or she said something roughly like that.
There is a freedom in BDSM. A freedom of thought, a breakout from the norm, a feeling of oneness that happens when we are in the company of like minded people. These are good people. Solid dependable friends who often are brilliant, free thinking, responsible and loving people. I have told this story often, of a gentleman who was 60 plus years old, saying goodbye in a parking lot after daring to come out to a Dungeon for his first visit, then joining us after for a midnight meal.. and he said something along the lines of: I carried this burden all these years, I never knew there were other people like me, that it could be OK to be like this. That is a moment etched forever in my heart.
The problem with freedom is, that it is nothing. It is like pointing to the air and saying, all this is mine to breath. Its nothing and yet it’s everything. But because its nothing we don’t take it seriously. Everyone want something.. and we are all too willing to give up our freedom for something. That’s the Dominant in me talking now. The point is, consent NEEDS to count. Consent is what makes it possible for us to enter happily into the systems of power all around us and consent to give up some of our freedom for something in return.. perhaps a job.. or a Master.
There is freedom in giving up freedom when WE have the ability to choose our submission. Freedom is important my friends, but not in grand terms. Important freedom isn’t being able to do what ever I want. The freedom I am speaking of is self determination, the right to decide how your thoughts, body, and determination will be put to use. Its about deciding who you have become, who you NEED to be. It doesn’t matter if we crave power or crave to give it away. If you take an honest look around, everyone gives up a part of themselves for something. The ultimate expression of freedom is consent. THAT is a lesson we in BDSM have to share. Tomorrow I consent to go to work, and do what is necessary, and do that happily because I recognize my freedom to choose. I choose this job, and this life. I choose to be a Master at home and a Dominant 24×7. Life is good. Carpe Diem my friends.. go be someone’s great day!