Respecting diversity ( a rant from my muse )

Respect for diversity is good, its even better as respect for diversity of thought.  ~ X Quote

If you have followed me from the beginning, somewhere I MUST have pointed out that I believe it is my parental duty to teach only two things to teach my daughter.  The second lesson is how to make good decisions.  In a nutshell, one of the principles of making good decisions is to not get your advice from an echo chamber.  The council you seek is important.  How you weigh that council is important.  You need advice from your friends, AND your enemies.  Diversity of thought is not just good behavior, its a brilliant principle of living a life guided by wisdom.

Let me say this in simple words…  Being sensitive to some people does not give you the right to be insensitive to others..  We call that being a jerk!  It seems that somewhere down the road of instilling respect for diversity, a moral high ground of opinions was established and any thought contrary to the selected line of thinking, was considered fair game for disrespect.

Now while the word “moral” is still fresh, I need to go off on this tangent.  I don’t believe in morals.  I believe in ethics.  Moral behavior tends to be more about proper behavior but ethical behavior seeks equity  as judged within the context and values of the parties involved.  Read my lips..  “moral anything” is bullshit!  Go fling your cow patties someplace else.

I am not a fan of hatred either.  Even of people that “deserve” to be hated.  You have to understand that hate is a poison and a disease.  It hurts the one who holds it and if a person is not cured of their hatred, eventually hatred will kill its host.  Step one is to free yourself from moral superiority.  Then any other sense of superiority.  The right path is a healthy dose of humility and respect for diversity.

One question I wish I could answer is:  When did it become OK, to hate people that “deserve” it?  I think it was so slow a process, we never noticed it happen. Like the infamous frog in the slowly boiling water, we were just too stupid to see it or jump out of the freaking pot.

The war of the sexes was when I first started to notice.  Maybe ten years ago, many a commercial made fun of men. It was part of the process of marketing to women..Hey! Its a huge market, so its OK, right?  But who decided that hating on men endeared the average woman to your products?   Blonde jokes and men who don’t stop for directions..  We pick at each other and don’t give it any thought at all to it.  Racial, religious, aging, fat people, rude people, where do we not feed a secret prejudiced?  And who the hell gets to decide the criteria that makes a person fair game for hatred?  Does anyone not see the foolishness of these thoughts?  Some days I just want to yell… let me off.  The diatribe is just so venomous.

And when the hell did we start thinking that giving respect was somehow weak or foolish?   You must give respect because of who you are, not because of who you are giving it to.  Respect can be lost though, and what do you do then?  You cut that influence out of your life.  When you see dishonesty and hatred, distance yourself from it but do it with a carefree heart.

Or.. and this is a really big can get into the face of really serious oppressors and demonstrate your capacity for love and patience.  But that is a dangerous game.  There are some very dangerous dangers haters and suppressors in the world and it is right to be careful and cautious.   Some places are more dangerous than others. We sometimes forget that our values are not universal.  You can’t judge what others will do, based on what you think everyone should do.

Keep in mind that if  you are free to protest where you are with relative safety, than you are already in a pretty good place. Its the places you are not safe to protest, that need the most work.  That is so logical it almost shouldn’t need to be said.

I wouldn’t recommend for example, that women stage a peaceful protest in a country steeped in Sharia Law.  But… if you really want to fight oppression, shouldn’t you do it where oppression lives?  Wouldn’t it warm your heart to see a little girl power in a Sharia Law country?  I mean if it didn’t turn into a stoning and blood bath, it would be nice.  If my reference to Sharia Law makes you think I am picking on Muslims not so.  I dislike oppression and hatred from anyone.

I Googled places not safe for women to travel alone. Would you believe that India and Mexico were both very high on the list of places where women that travel alone get raped?   Look these are just statistics..I am not putting emotion into it.  I would love to see real hatred faced with peaceful protests in places that really suppress freedom. Take Russia’s open hostility to gays.  Now there is a place to go and peacefully protest, if you want to really want to stare down oppression of LGBT rights. 

It takes real courage and commitment to go into a lions den and face down haters without giving in to hate yourself.  Most people are better suited to just distance themselves from it, and even then they have a hard time doing so with a light heart.  If you can face hatred with love, bravo!   Its a rare individual who can walk away from hatred without wearing some, even more rare to face it boldly with love.

And what if you are the person who hates the haters?  Whatever your twisted logic, then you are part of the problem. Round and round it goes.  Hatred and more hatred.  You have to be the person who stops it.  Each person who just says no to hate, who’s message of tolerance and love comes through clear in their protest,  is another finger in the dam.  If you can not protest with love in your heart, don’t fucking do it.

If you value respect, and diversity, and honesty, that does not mean that you must give bullets to your enemy.  Freedom sometimes gets deadly serous. The refugee crisis is proof that more people choose to distance themselves than fight back.  Anyone can choose to resist being pulled in, resist interacting with them.

It may help to let yourself see the sad pathetic, hate diseased person they are.  You may need to see this first, before you can send love and pity their way.. from a distance of course.. because they probably won’t understand and possibly hate you even more.

In stark reality, if a person wants to kill or convert you, you have three choices.. kill them first, or convert them first, or distance yourself.  If you are backed into a corner though, then it is self defense time and all rules of ethical behavior are off.

It’s strange that to protect ourselves from that which we do not believe in, we must sometimes adopt the methods of the very people we disagree with.  Life is really fucking strange at times.  I wish we lived in a world where more people embraced diversity and love.  Strangely, this forum, the internet, has that capacity to make the world one large melting pot, to bring us all closer together..

Why this subject, and why now?  When I started writing I haven’t a clue.   Something told me I should have this rant so I did.  It seemed to align somewhat with recent news but not on either side of the political coin.  I believe in serendipity.  Things happen for a reason.  Somewhere, somehow, this rant makes sense.. I just don’t know why yet.. and maybe I never will.. But I trust that things have a way of happening when they should, even if we don’t understand the bigger picture.  So I listened to my muse.   Wow.. got all metaphysical on you.. sorry.. I’m done with the sharp words.. If you need me, I’ll be the one in the corner playing with knives instead. I’m complex like that.  Carpe Diem my friends..  Go be someone’s great day.

Company lunchroom (& BDSM)

So.. I was in the company lunchroom, preparing a sandwich and as I was cutting it in half before bringing it back to my desk, I thought.. this would make a pretty good play knife.. nice balance, no serrations, kinda sharp, I’d have to be very careful.

And then I thought.. who the hell thinks of these kinda things in the company lunchroom?  And then I thought, I do.. you dark bastard…

Monogamy and BDSM, part 4

In Part one I said this:  Many an experienced owner and slave play in scenes.  A scene is quite different than starting a BDSM relation, but still, a scene has a certain level of penetration.. even if it isn’t physically sexual. 

I do this.  I used to do fire: play quite a bit and was known all over the Hudson Valle area for it.  I stopped.  I had become a carnival ride, every night I had a bunch of people waiting to be next.  I was hard to fit in my slave, who very much wanted to be on the list.  So I just stopped doing it every weekend in a dungeon.

Then there is the event at the North East Power Exchange.  I did a scene with Raven Pup. The rest of this paragraph in its original form has been deleted.

Never fear, you aren’t missing much and I’ve replaced it with better content.  Before I published part four, I let Irina read it because in this deleted paragraph, I spoke of her reaction to that scene.  She asked if I could remove it.  I said I would think about it.  Then I explained that if she and I are ever going to compete in the NE power exchanges, she needs to be ready to speak not only about what works in our relation, but also when we have issues.. our dirty laundry.. because others can learn the most from our mistakes.  If others are going to learn from us, they need to hear about our problems, and how we resolved them, so they can figure out if our solutions might work for them as well.  And then she said something about me being a dark, scary, sexy Master.. This paragraph, along with a hard look at our lives and the conversation that followed, achieved the objective I was looking for.. it brought my canvas another inch closer to the slave I want her to be.  There was nothing there.  Oh.. I did ask why she didn’t like the paragraph and she said.. it was open ended.. and I said so it either needs to be deleted or there needs to be more detail.. (grins)  the social sadist in me couldn’t resist that second option..more detail.. Her reaction was quite, hmmmm, pleasing to me.  She hasn’t read the replacement paragraph..want to take bets if she decides she was happier with the original? I return you now to our blog already in progress….

When Izrina and I met, I was a carnival ride.  Now I am not.  But I never committed to ending my scenes with others in the Dungeons.  I also hope one day to open the “House of X”.  How can you do all that, and stay monogamous?

The answer is quite clearly, you can’t on some level.  The fact that there was unhappiness about a scene, was an indication we clearly need to do a lot more talking about the future and monogamy.  Choices.  To settle and stay or go?  And questions.. are you settling?  I know Izrina.. the thought of giving me up will scare the hell out of her.  But by the same token, I don’t want her to settle for something she doesn’t want, just because she has it in her head that she wants me to be the one to Dominate her.  The question of compatibility is a problem everyone faces.

You love someone, and you want to be with them..but in the Master/slave relation you are faced with difficult decisions about compatibility.  A slave may have hard limits but in a sense, so does an Owner.  There are some things we just are not prepared to give up for the rest of our lives.  I won’t give up the S&M scenes I choose to do, and I won’t give up my dream for the House of X.  And that brings us to the question of the slaves scenes..

So.. just how OK is it to let your slave do scenes in a Dungeon?  Like some many things in life, one answer does not fit all situations.

Loaned for oral service or other sex – This is my personal take, but I say Hell No.  That body and all its holes are mine and I am not sharing.  It’s personal.  For me, the answer will always be a resounding Hell No!  There is a value here though.. letting a slave know that they are property.. and some might get off on it..but I don’t.  A slave who wants to be passed around like that isn’t for me.  I won’t be a cuckold.  Not now, not ever.

Allowed to try another style in a casual scene –  I do a bit of rope work.  I even do suspension.  But I am by no means a dedicated rope artist.  Every Dominant has  their style and talents.  I see no reason to keep my slave from experiencing those other styles and levels of talent so they can tell me what they liked and didn’t helps me to get better.

By the same token, I like doing a scene with others.  The risk of emotional penetration is very high.  If however your own relation is rich and rewarding that risk is lowered.  When you have a good life, you will feel no regrets, no desire to end your commitment.  When the Dominant you serve feeds your submission to you, so that you desire to return, there can be little to tear you apart.  So I say have at it.. enjoy the casual experience of a new style or level of experience.

And what if your relation is not everything you want?  What if you already harbor regrets?  What then?  Is it better to hide your head in the sand, keep yourself from happy moments so you don’t see the shit in your life?  I say no.  If two people plan to make something special, then a casual try at another style should not be a threat to worry about.  And if you are lying to yourself about your happiness, if you are settling, then you have some serious decisions to make.

Passing a slave on to another Master – This is a yes and no kind of thing.  I have passed my slave on into the control of another for various reasons.  A trip to beyond leather in Florida.. the key to her collar was entrusted to another for that trip.  that time is was  Sno.  I gave her into the hands of another, just for the experience, as part of her training.  That was Dr Bob.  At the NE Power Exchange, I had to duck out for a moment.. so I put her in the hands of Master Karl.  There are times and places where another owner is helpful for protection, or for experience and training..  It is NOT OK in my book to just hand over a slave because someone wants to use them, unless that is a kink you both want.  That kink is not my kink.  I will not endure being a cuckold. Just my two cents on that one.

Scenes with deeper roots – Sometimes the top or bottom or both are nursing deep affections. Take Raven and I.. there is something happening there.  She has a deep and abiding love for me and Izrina knows it.  We all know it.  Raven’s owner knows it, and I know it.  There are four people involved here and to date, I’ve never crossed any line that would put the relations of those four people into jeopardy.  I have mixed feelings about this kind of thing.  On one side, there is a risk. On the other side, I deeply love my scenes with Raven, and to justify my behavior, I fall back on this quote:

The idea of love being limited and a commodity to be fiercely guarded is a concept that I don’t understand. ~ Slave_Shylah

I collected that quote so long ago, I don’t even recall my relation to this slave.  But I do still love the sentiment.  I often speak of the unbearable and limitless amount of love that can pour through you when you open yourself as a conduit for love.  I think we fear the loss of our loved ones too much, so this quote applies:

Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other. ~ Quote, Dalai Lama

Risking it all – Really, there is no difference between the married person who gets permission to try BDSM, and the Master or slave who has a very deep and intimate relation with someone else.

There is a very real risk that these bonds may destroy the existing relation, or cause a person to settle for more than they know they could have.  They are unhappy with what they have but faced with destroying the existing relation.  IF you find yourself in this situation it is something you have to decide how to handle within your ethics and if you are with someone, nilla or not, its something you have to talk about together.

A great relation, nilla or not, has to have that level of communication, of trust, of honesty. Without these, it is not a great relation, and that alone makes your decision much easier.  If you have these, then commitment takes over and fear should subside.  Ultimately, if your love exceeds your need, as the Dalai Lama suggests, then your happiness is their happiness and there is nothing to fear at all.

I wish sometimes it was a more perfect world and everyone was capable of placing the happiness of those we love before our own needs. While I am wishing this  I am reminded of my own admonishment that my values and views of the world, are not anothers.  I am also just struck with the four priorities.. The needs of the slave come before the wants of the Master, but the wants of the Master come before the wants of the slave.  Hmmmm how does that fit into this?  Life is complex.. but living it should not be.  In the path of your happiness, guided by ethics and a commitment to good choices, the right thing to do is always right in front of you.

So that’s it my friends..My thoughts on Monogamy and BDSM, in four.. count em.. four parts.  Wow.. deep subject.  Aren’t you glad I didn’t try to fit it into one piece?   I have important Master stuff to do now.. so Carpe Diem… go be someone’s great day.

Monogamy and BDSM, part 3

Up until now, I’ve been talking about what you “should do”.  Let’s talk about this whole “should do” stuff.  Just because a person should do these things.. just because you might do these things yourself, absolutely does not mean that others will.

One of the biggest, most stupid mistakes we make is to judge others by our own standards.  We often think that because we are trustworthy, other will inherently be so too.  And it is fairly common for lairs and cheats to think that everyone is a lair and an cheat.  The way we see our world colors the way we see think others see the world.  It is all too easy and common to make the mistake of thinking that the way you see things, is the way others will.. this is not so.  Absolutely, definitely not so!

THIS is what Vile is railing about. Some Dominants are just plain fucking dirt bags.  Your values are not theirs.  They are strangers in every sense of the word. The way they see things is 180 degrees from the way you see it.  They are going to use you, and dump you.  They won’t use that slow, gentle, irresistible force that moves mountains, that pushes and shapes you into a happy slave. You expect that because its how it “should be”.  But because they have no patience and they have no staying power and they are fucking dirt bags, you might blindly go into their trap.  I’d like to add my warnings to Vile’s well published ones… Do not assume your values are anothers!  Its so damned easy to forget to remember. You owe it to yourself to figure out what you are dealing with, without making assumptions.

One more thing on this.  It is not always the Dominant’s fault that a collar of consideration fails.  If you have “quirks”, you must communicate that up front.  Maybe its bi-polar meds, or a childhood triggers.  ANY trigger that might suppress your slave side should be discussed.  A Dominant who is blind sided by these things might not react as well as they would have, had this been discussed early on.

That being said, I can’t stress strongly enough how I feel about the three traditional collars, about taking your time, about not falling prey to sub-frenzy, about building trust through observed honesty, about not being the slave you need to be until after you have satisfied your need to know what you are dealing with.

We touched briefly on poly as a way of making your life work.  I have a story to tell, which kind of covers how I feel about this subject:

There once was a woman who had a cat.  She and the cat were very close.  When she would come home, the cat would sit in her lap, and she would stroke it and the cat would purr loudly, and she and the cat were very happy. 

One day the cat had kittens and they were all very, very cute.  The woman gave away most of the kittens but two were just so adorable, so she kept them. 

And now when she came home, one cat sat on the back of the couch behind her head, and one in her lap and one by her side..sometimes.. because the cats all fought for her attention, and though she loved all three very much, she was never as close to her first cat ever again.

That story illustrates perfectly how I feel about poly.  We have only so much time to share in our lives and the more people we bring into our lives, the less close we can be with those people. I know this, and still one day I hope to establish the “House of X”.  A place where those who desire a pure service role.. no sex with the Master..can live.  My thought is that in such a setting, a slave could establish a romantic relation with another slave, which the owner is not part of.  One day, perhaps, we shall see.

I am not against poly per se.  What I am against is anything that sets up boundaries between a Master and slave.  I want those walls torn down.. within reason of course.  Nothing but raw direct honest communication should exist between Master and slave.

And finally, we come to “loaning” your slave for Dungeon scenes.. or allowing yourself the luxury of enjoying a slave in a Dungeon scene (such as I did at the North East Power Exchange with Raven).  If you are with someone who is anticipating a monogamous Master slave relation, these things can raise concerns.  If you are now sensing a little behind the blog discussion between Izrina and I on that very subject ..hmmm you may be right.  But, so sorry.. I hit my word limit again tonight on this subject… let’s finally get to that in part 4, tomorrow.


Monogamy and BDSM, part 2

You probably know my friend, Vile from the kinky world of Vile.  Now Vile often rails quite emotionally against cheaters and for good reason…They are usually dirt bags.  You don’t suck another person into an intense encounter with promises you have no intention of keeping, and create emotional bonds that you have no desire to support, just for sex.  A slave is meant to be used, but that use is in return for all the things that the dirt bag has no intention of supplying.

That being said, a few people of my acquaintance have maintained BDSM relations outside of their marriage.. Let’s see, there is a lady who loves to spank, a bottom to a rope lover top, and poly woman who mostly tops, to name a few.  It works for them.  In these cases, those folks have a long term BDSM relation that is still going strong.  Does their spouse know?  Not sure.  Wasn’t my place to ask.  I know the people in the BDSM side are happy, and planning to stay together.

From My Core Beliefs, number four of ten:  Thou shall be  mindful that honesty does not require that you to respond to a demand for information, but trust does.  The building blocks of trust, are honesty.

Here is the point of that reference.. If you don’t trust someone, and you know that they may use information against you, then you have no ethical obligation to provide them with that ammunition.. You must still be honest… since this should be a core value, but you should not volunteer the bullets to shoot you with.  You are allowed to stay tight lipped.

And how, you may ask, does that apply to this conversation?   Glad you asked.  IF you desire to have a BDSM relation, and your spouse isn’t interested, then you would have to go outside that relation to get it.. that’s pretty straight forward.

Now where that reference comes into play is that your spouse should pretty much fall onto one side of that equation or the other.. either you can trust them with your needs and your desire to go outside the relation for BDSM, or you can’t trust them.. you know they will take that ammunition and shoot you in the head.

So let’s look a little deeper.  If your spouse is the second type, the one that can’t be trusted, then you have to ask yourself, why the hell are you not pressing for divorce?  Really!  Just get the fuck out.  If you have no real communication with a person then no excuse under MY sun could make me stay committed to staying in that relation.

It goes without saying that if you are married, there once was a time you trusted this person, but people change, and people make bad decisions, addictions can destroy everything, and what was once good, can turn very, very bad. So get out.  When two people become one the worse life that has to offer is not so bad.  When the worse life has to offer is what one of you has become, that’s very, very bad.  For better or worse, applies to the first situation, not the second.

What if your spouse can be trusted, and is loving, caring and wants to see you happy?  They may allow you to go outside the marriage for your BDSM experience, but I have to tell you that they are a fool.  The bonds and desires you will create are far stronger than any simple craving for sex.  And if you DO take them up on such an agreement, it is highly likely you will find this to be true yourself.

Time and time again, a no body fluid bonding agreement has resulted in an BDSM experience so rich, that the spouse ended up wanting to leave anyway.  Maybe to live it 24×7, or maybe because they realized the lie of staying with a person they no longer loved as much as their BDSM partner.

In other words, damned if you do and damned if you don’t.  I could have just agreed with Vile and said leave.. but I wanted to build the you that logically you must reach a point of decision and that decision should have consequences and all of it has to be aligned with your life and your ethics.

It’s a pretty shitty person who makes sure they have the next relationship lined up before they drop the current one.  But by the same token, if you have a house, and children with someone, you may just want to try out BDSM for the purpose of determining if its worth all the heartache of taking apart what you’ve built. Its OK to want to live life on your terms, and it makes sense to feel badly about yourself for a while if you discover that you do need to leave, but you should feel like a really, really big shit if you discover you need to leave, and don’t.

Living life on your terms, while sharing life with another person is a complex thing.  I don’t have all the answers because everyone’s situation is different.  It is entirely possible that you need to go poly.  More on that later, but briefly:  It is possible that one partner will give you what you need of one thing, and another partner will give you what you need of another thing.  Life is never simple.

For most people though, I think monogamy is a touch stone and it almost always boils down to just leaving.  You have to because you want it all.  Just remember: DO NOT compromise your ethics while you are making plans to not compromise your desires.   If you come to the realization you need to change our life, do it in a way that is within your personal ethics.

But what about scenes with no sex in a dungeon??.. Does monogamy preclude you from enjoying those BDSM encounters?   What about Masters that want two slaves?  Well, lets cover that in part 3..  Izrina got in late.. and I started watching “Secretary” while I was missing her, which made me miss her even more.. I have some important Dom things to do..

Monogamy and BDSM

Monogamy is a funny thing.. Like the girl who was serially monogamous… she only slept with the person she was dating that week.  Technically, if she broke up with the poor bloke who was the latest fling, she wasn’t cheating on anyone when the next day she picked out this week’s winner of the poke that pussy contest.

Then there was the dude who swore to his girl.. those other women meant nothing to me.. they were just sex, its you I love.  In a weird kind of way he actually was monogamous because his heart.. if he actually has one in that black hole in his chest.. was never a participant in poke the pussy..  but presumably his heart was pumping his girl’s pussy.. any one buy this line?

If you think that exchanging sticky body fluids is the key to monogamy you are sadly mistaken.. Even if you slap a bag on that thing and don’t spill inside, sex with or without body fluid bonding.. is not required for a strong connection..

As sticky that subject gets, many a married person has said to their spouse.. I want to try this BDSM thing.  They can tie and flog me but no sex, I promise.. And the hapless and gullible partner agrees, not understanding that when this is your orientation, the person who gives you what you need to feel alive, has opened a whole new world in which that person is the sun, and the center of a perfect universe.. In other words.. the spouse may be faithful by staying “sexually monogamous” but they care more for the person they are NOT having sex with, than the person they are.

Many an experienced owner and slave play in scenes.  A scene is quite different than starting a BDSM relation, but still, a scene has a level of penetration.. even if it isn’t physically sexual.  Maybe you don’t body fluid bond, but its a good question to consider..when you S&M scene with others.. is potential emotional danger to your existing relation commitments..  You have to ask yourself these questions.

But not tonight.. I’m tired and often write 1,000 word essays.  Lets mix it up and both take it slower for a change.  Chalk this up to part 1 of the Monogamy and BDSM piece I am working on.. More tomorrow.. Carpe Diem my friends.. Be someone’s great day.

Pain, sadness, and loneliness

The shadow of my former self sat in darkness, a beer by his hand, wallowing in the sadness that sought to crush him. All love had left the room, every corner of his mind filled with broken glass that cut with every thought that moved.  He had no power, no glory, none of than which defined him when she was by his side.  The air filled with music, selected for the occasion, and he took deep ragged breaths, not quite crying..though the music filled his eyes with tears as he thought of all he had lost.  He took another sip of sadness, or maybe it was beer, and wrapped his pain like a blanket around himself, and tightened it around his neck, wishing to end his life.

No light reached him, no kind word could penetrate his mood. I see myself now, this sad pathetic creature, gnawing at his cold and broken heart, wishing to consume himself with his own pain.  I can see him so clearly and my future self wants to reach back into time..and slap the fucking shit out of that person, and then hold him.

I want to say to him, have you no small treasure?  Have you no small pile of golden memories to nurse with happiness?  Have you nothing to be thankful for?  Are there no flowers left in your world?  Is there no where you can go to hear the laughter of children? Can you not rise each morning and see the hope that begs you to take it into your arms?

I wish I could be sorry for you but I cannot, I want to fucking slap you.  You make me angry! This life you have been given is not about what you were getting but what you can give!  Have you nothing left to give?  Can you not lend a hand to an elderly person, hold a door for a stranger? Can you not rescue an animal from a shelter?  Are there no soup kitchens begging for volunteers?

Love is all that is worth living for, and worth dying for, but you are a blind fucking fool.  Love is not outside you!  Love comes from deep within you.  You were born as a conduit for love and yet you have shut yourself out from it. Love is like a light, and it longs to pulse through your veins,  to fill you with the pain of knowing that you can never, and I mean absolutely never be alone.

If you want to nurse pain, nurse the pain of the unbearable light of that mana.  You cannot contain all the love that will pour through you when you open yourself to that love. If you must nurse pain, nurse that pain.  When this light peels away the crust from your eyes, so that you see your fellow man through its eyes, and you suddenly love the saint and the sinner, when you see your fellow man struggling in the very pain you now hold, and  you love them for all their flaws and troubles.. then you will be lifted up, and sustained.

No, my former self, sitting in the darkness, nursing your pain.. I cannot feel sorry for you. I am angry with you. You need a wake up call, and I your future self am here now, finally to show you the way.  Your future is bright.. oh if you only knew the joy that you will feel some day.  Now dust yourself off…find that small pile of treasure you have conveniently hidden, and count your blessings.  Then, and only then.. go out and be someones great day.  Namaste!

The North East Power Exchange competitions

So.. what is this North East Power Exchange competition I’ve been prattling on about, you may well wonder. Let me walk you through our experience, to give you an over my shoulder view.

Friday – It was Friday night and Izrina and I stepped out dressed in our blackest black.  Our rendezvous was to be a super secret hotel.  Secret because there are people who hate us for what we are.  So we slunk in to the night, to a place only revealed persons that had ponied up the fifty dollar donation.  True, my money clip let our a loud squeal, but I stroked it and assured it this was a good cause.. Its more of a donation, than a purchase…

We arrived at the hotel, and while it wasn’t new and shiny, it was one whose chain names you would recognize… I’d tell you the name, but these are very real dangers that people enter into when they practice or support BDSM.  Thank God we found a business owner brave enough to allow this event.

The lobby was nice and oh so bright.. The man at the desk insisted on calling our friends room rather than let us just walk up… good call.. I am after all a social sadist and that makes me a terrorist, I am pretty sure.

Just a short walk away was a bar with card table set up to collect cover charges.. and a DJ and beyond.. a large dance floor that you just know has had one too many drinks spilled on it.  I was stoked because I love to dance, but first it was up to our friends room. Izrina wanted a boot blacking fresher from a sister slave who is quite the accomplished boot black.

I couldn’t leave the room cause the girls had my boots, so I futzed around in my socks until they were done.Izrina presented the boots, kneeling in slave fashion and I carefully examined the work… then held her face.. and asked her.. tomorrow when you do this. who do you need to please?.. You Master she said.. Exactly I answered.. don’t forget it.  I gave a look a Wednesday, and tried to judge her reaction to my speech.. I think she was sort of embarrassed by the intimacy but also pleased to see my care for Izrina.

They turned to my vest, and I headed to the bar feeling quite naked without my leather.  I thought the girls deserved it, so I brought back a drink for each, and a tip for the jar.  Back again to the bar for hugs.. Shortly I was reunited with my slave and my very missed leather.. oh.. I missed her too.. don’t start with me.

So the evening unfolded with laughter and stories punctuated by a dance here and there, which of course that lead to that hand full of hair blog you may have already read.  It felt a bit like the 80’s all over again.. the alcohol, the dance music, the hotel dance floor which always looks great in the dim lights, but when the lights come on to chase you out, suddenly looks terrible even with a good buzz on.

Speaking of which, I let Izrina indulge and she did.  Later she wished she had not.. If you’ve been there, you know what I mean.  Somebody find the bastard spinning the room and tell him I’d like to get off!  OK, maybe it wasn’t that bad, but definitely impaired.

We were not staying in the hotel since home was only 30 minutes away, so we excused ourselves early and got some rest.  I started early the next morning, and we back at the Hotel again by 10am.


Saturday Morning – The hotel was abuzz with odd looking people.. Crow with his super long flowing black robes that always makes him look like a magician from some alternate medieval universe.  Nearly everyone coming and going wore black.  A family dressed in bright colors, a dad, mom, and three daughters walked out to their car with luggage and didn’t seem to notice how they stuck out in this crowd… Perhaps they were just too preoccupied with getting on the road.. or maybe Dad said before hand.. now don’t make eye contact.. who knows.  I think aside from the hotel staff, they were the first and last nilla I saw until the bar opened again later that evening.  I remember walking by the folks waiting to get into the bar in my leather and black, and getting a very big “come hither” look with a dazzling smile from a pretty young thing. The power of projection.. its an amazing thing…

The room we wanted was behind a door with a conference room name..I don’t remember what.. doesn’t matter.. They are all have names like presidents or precious gems or precious metals.. the diamond room, or the Lincoln room typically..  So we opened the door and the organizers had put up a curtain, so you couldn’t see inside when the door was open.  Good call!.  Behind curtain number one stood Crow in all his might security, and behind him the door greeters waited with very cool badges.

The badges were all emblazoned with the cool logo you see on the NPE site.  Izrina as a bootblack got  a longer rectangular one in a plastic jacket she could clip somewhere.. I resisted the urge to grab her shirt and clip it on her nipples.  Mine as a judge was the same size.  Both had our names.. though Izrina’s was spelled wrong.. Izarina it said.. by the time I thought to suggest she correct the offending extra letter, she already had.

On the table were schedules, shiny and glossy, and square shaped pins for regular guests.  We were early and some vendors were just setting up.  Paddles and floggers and such being set out on display tables.

A gentleman who had brought a LOT of fun stuff showed up in a pickup truck and a group of us proceeded carry an odd array of wooden pieces into our private little room to be assembled. The desk staff watched as a line of workers in black paraded in single file back and forth through the lobby, much like a group of busy ants.  The staff said nothing as we shut the conference room doors again  and turned to the project at hand. In short order there were a number padded spanking benches, a suspension bar, and a couple of Saint Andrews crosses adorning our room.  NOW were were getting somewhere.

Red bracelets??? – Guests began to check in and we mingled between workshops.. Izrina did a few boots.. people filed off to workshops.  Crow took me to one side and asked as a volunteer to keep an eye out for people without badges.  Oddly –  right after that I did spot a couple like that and I politely asked them about it.  They showed me red wrist bands.. so I went back to Crow and said.. you didn’t tell me about the red wrist bands.. Ooops.. Later I met them again, and they were happy and understood the security was there to protect their privacy.. so we dodged that bullet.


Lunch!!! Feed me Seymour! – Soon it was lunch time.  Amazingly, the hotel which did have bar food, and didn’t take advantage of this opportunity to makes some extra cash, so at lunch break, we found our way to the various other food offerings, some in easy walking distance. Izrina and I had Philly chicken cheese steak..and though they tended to fall apart before you could get them into your mouth, what did arrive there was delicious.  Gotta have her make those at home sometime.


Workshops! – We wanted to catch one workshop in particular, on protocols.  Since protocols are near and dear to us both, I was really looking forward to that one.  So I pulled Izrina out of boot blacking and we went together. While I enjoyed it quite a bit, I am well, you know, pretty forceful in what I believe.  Our presenter however was almost apologetic.. in her effort to stress that you do what works for you.  Call me crazy, but I like a person who can shake my hand, tell me to fuck off, and then shake my hand again. There was one point where I told Izrina to write something down that she said…

What bugged me most though was stupid.  I sat behind the freaking table in front.. What was I thinking?  I couldn’t put Izrina at my feet if we were behind the table!  Afterward, I sat and spoke with Professor Kitty who gave the class, and we talked about Rules, and Rituals and protocols.  I have this thing I plan to put in my protocol blog I am planning and I wanted to see what she thought of it.. More of that when I get to my protocols blog..


Mingle time! – Now it was mingle time.  The contestants are required during the mingle period to seek out the judges, learn something about each, and generally demonstrate how they will represent our community in a crowded setting.  Its a good idea… you don’t want reps who are wall flowers. You can’t send a wall flower out to promote your cause.

One couple was standing in the center of the room, sort of looking around.. and I just knew they were newbies… So I did what the contestants were doing… I strolled up, introduced myself, and started a conversation.  Yes, they were new, yes they were interested in this stuff, no they didn’t know much about it.. until I mention flying.. which is local talk for going way, way, way into subspace..then her eyes lit up.  Oh my God she said.. it was just so wonderful, I want to do more of that!  So we talked about the bodies chemicals and how you can make that happen.

There was more like that.  Idle chit-chat, newbies, and old timers, talking about what made them come alive.  After speaking with the contestants, I strolled out to the lobby where and elderly gentleman was sipping wine and he told me that he was a writer and shared some of his stuff.. interesting..  A close friend of mine has two slaves and one is both a master chef AND a writer.. with one published book and another on the way..  Seems everyone in BDSM wants to write a book of some sort.


Dinner!! – Before we knew it, It was dinner time.  This time I sat Izrina and I in FRONT of the tables.. Sno gave a speech and filled time as each table took a turn at the buffet.. good food…  salads and hot biscuits and pastas and chicken and stuff like that.  it was all tasty.

While we ate, the Mistits, a stripper burlesque troop put on a show for us.. Some of the pieces were serious and some funny.  What was really funny was the very serious waiters who walked around the tables and filled water glasses as these women took their clothes off.. and shook their tits.  I don’t think any of the waiters stared.. Hats off to those guys, cause these was some mighty perty women…

Speaking of funny.. Oh my God the last bit.. Two Star Wars characters battling it out with light saber and shredding clothing.  That was pretty hot, but it ended with one in a mmmm compromised situation..  Both are woman mind you, but they both lose their light sabers and are now battling with an attached rubber phallus.  The villain is dropped to her knees, our hero grabs a handful of hair.. and.. then..wait for it… wacks the villain upside the head with her dick and runs out.  Had us all chuckling.


Let the competitions begin! – Our MC came out then and I and my fellow judges received our documents for the competition.  The contestants presented two things..  An educational piece followed by questions from the audience and a fantasy piece which could be choreographed anyway they liked, to any music they liked but which was meant to show without words how their dynamic worked.

We judged on things like: use of the stage, audience reaction,  appropriate costumes, appearance of comfort with questions,  etc.  Things like that.   We took notes and did our best to stay within framework of the documents.. There were guidelines for maximum point for each category.  We got one a page for each presentation, so two pages for each contestant for that portion of the competition.

After the fantasy and education portion, people filed out into the big room to play on the equipment and buy from the vendors.  I was whisked away to a room that was divided by tables. On one side the judges sat, while on the other, the contestants stood and answered questions.  This was the interview part and the third judge document.

At the end, we handed our documents over to a panel of auditors who checked and cross check the results.  They would come out in due time with an envelope that contained the winners names. While that happened, I returned to the playroom.

Now the music and our DJ had the place pumping and its time to talk about The Raith.  First, he drives a car with a license that reads.. Vampirate..  only shortened.. Half pirate, and half Vampire, he dresses the part with his bandana skull cap and his curly black locks flowing out from underneath.  Yeah, he’s hot.. He’s been working out too and his biceps are starting to look pretty good which I am fairly sure he knows cause he was sporten em in a vest with no shirt.  Oh.. and earlier I hit him up for a little jewelry project because he makes that shit too.  He also acts in a local yearly medieval festival. Sorry ladies…he has a girl…One of the mistits.. .


Time to play! – One of my favorite people in the world, Raven pup was playing with Sno who had her fetching things that she had laid out on the ground, and when that was done, she sent Raven under a table with the command to bark twenty times… all the time giggling and exclaiming.. good girl..what a good puppy..   There is a wonderful freedom in being able to play like like that.. sometimes Sno will just start spontaneous dancing.. I have a serious side that has a problem being that free.. but wants to be.. I need to keep working at stuffing that serious side into a box.. Oh, I have my whimsical side.. but its all calculated humor.. I miss but remember the carefree and playful side that we all had as children.  I think we loose a lot when we choose to be adults.  There must be a compromise.

So after pup finished playing, I grabbed Raven and we set up a scene on a Saint Andrews cross.  The plan was, since Izrina had to be up at 4:30, she would take a nap until around 10:30 and then get her own scene. I was planned to start in time for that.  I started Raven a little after ten.  oops again.

I had her strip down to just panties so there was all that lovely flesh to work with then lead her to the cross.  I didn’t let her have her chains though.  I pushed her into the frame and and whispered.. you’ll get your chains when your earn them.

There is this thing that happens when you do a scene in a crowded room.  People watch and if its a hot scene, people really watch.  Some Doms get off on that and play to the crowd, gauging how well they are doing.. not me.. I loathe those types.

When I am with you, I am completely with you.  The room melts away and IF I notice someone watching its like a little “other” observer taking a note.. oh..look someone is watching. and it passes..

So it was with Raven.. She could tell me the days and hours to the last time I took her. She had been counting up the time  to this moment and I assured her in a whisper to her ear, that I would take her, make her mine, and then brought my nails to her back.  Hands massaging, swatting, pinching, and a surprise bite here and there, I kept the sensation coming, until I felt she was ready for a leather massage.  The heavy flogger first, not too hard, the steady rhythm of a simple figure eight pattern..  The lighter flogger with the thinner harder straps lay idle in my other hand.  I call my two floggers sting and thunk.

I worked her harder and harder until I felt the first rung.. and shifted to the other. .  I worked sting lightly at first, again building up the force and speed of the impact, faster, harder, faster, harder and then the pause for the next level.. hands across her ass, pulling her back into my cock, she began to grind, greedy for some.. I pushed her forward into the cross and’ve earned  your chains.  I fastened her then, placing her hands around the chains that now held her securely up.. last, I gave her a piece of metal to hold with instructions that if she should need to call red, all she had to do was drop that metal.. which of course she never did.

There is something delicious about the vulnerability of restraint, but to feel it, you have to use it.  I did.  I pulled my chopstick nipple clamps out and applied them.  I like these clamps.. when the rings are out at the ends, the pressure is very light, but as you move the rings in more, the pressure can range quite high.

She gasped.. quite nicely.. and I had yet another button to press at my command.  So it went. I shifted to Florentine,  thunk and sting hammering out a rhythm which when its spot on kind of reminds me of a steam train.  Chunka, chunka chunka..  Its comes in threes.. thunk, sting , thunk.. then reversed.. sting, thunk, sting.  Raven can take all the leather I can throw.  I threw for almost an hour, then released her chains and carried her to a chair.. well.. I started to but after I lifted her, she wrapped her legs around me to help.  When we got to the chair, we ended up cowgirl style.  A coat was thrown over her.. my bad.. I neglected to make sure we had a blanket prepared.

A side note..ANYONE I play with is required to reach out to me the next day by any means. Email, text, cell.. the  point is that I may not be able to be physically with you if there is sub drop but I can be there at the end of a message and I always encourage my partners to pour out everything they are feeling the next day.. it a  necessary and cathartic thing that I be available, even if it is only in the form of being on the receiving end of an emotional letter.

Raven was all floaty and trembling and well.. if you are a top, you know that joy of knowing that your bottom is having a good reaction and the even nicer joy of the after care trembles and other reactions.  After care can be the icing on your cake.  Did I mention I loose track of the room?  At some point, I realized Izrina should be somewhere around…. but she wasn’t.  I after cared with Raven and by the time we wrapped up, it was around 11:30.  Izrina had over slept.  So I packed our toys and headed off to the room to collect my slave.

This week she will disinfect, clean  and treat the leather we used on Raven.. speaking of which.. I am up for tips on how you do your disinfecting..  Ultra violet is probably the best choice..

We drove home shortly after and Izrina was miffed that she missed a scene, but happy to fall asleep in my arms.. Somewhere, there is a slave or two that is jealous of her for that.  The people who stayed over would have breakfast the next morning together, but Izrina had work, so not us.   And that my friends is the NE Power Exchange.  Our winners will go to Florida for the next competition at Beyond Leather.

Carpe diem my friends.  You don’t have to be kinky to enjoy life, but I can’t imagine living any other way.. Go be someone’s great day!



The one blog you should read…

If you never read another blog….read this one…

It’s the day after the North East Power Exchange competition and now that it’s over, I can finally talk about the struggle that Izrina faced leading up to it.  I ordered her to boot black and she was hoping she would not have to.. really hoping.  Problem is, I wanted this, and I wasn’t going to back down.

Why wouldn’t she want to, you might wonder?  She gets nervous, really nervous in the spotlight.  She argued that she wasn’t prepared, that she might embarrass us both, that I was setting her up for failure, and that it might trigger her hard  limit.  She has a hard limit on humiliation.  Oh!.. she really tried to argue her way out of it.   I am sure she considered every word I have uttered, in every lesson, in every principle I have ever laid down, looking for a loophole that would let her off the hook.

I rejected the notion that she couldn’t be prepared.  I assured her that I would be proud of her, that she could never embarrass me.  I explained that she could not fail if she pleased me – I am the only one she needed to please – I am the only one she can fail.

I rejected the notion that this was a hard limit.  I can’t have her living under a rock.  I love the lime light way too much. She will just have to hide behind me while I go into those scary places and sometimes.. she’ll have to be in the spot light like she is today in this blog, like she was yesterday, sitting with her sisters under the boot black sign.

I would love someday for us to compete, and for her to stand beside me and speak freely about her side of the dynamic and what it means to her in the competitions… but we will see.. someday perhaps.  Izrina- when you read that my pet.. you do NOT have permission to worry yet..

In the days leading up to the event, she would worry, and I would remind her that making decisions was my job.  And she would worry some more and I would remind her that shouldering her worries was my job.  And so it went..

I don’t compromise with my slave, I compromise with reality. ~ Quote – Raven Kaldera, speaking about being flexible as a Master

I wasn’t going to compromise.

Some argue that submission does not take strength. It does. Dominance does not require strength. It requires the gentle patience to apply irresistible force to the strength of that submission, until it bends comfortably, happily, to your will. ~Xtac Quote

Now, here is something interesting dear reader, that I’ve touched on before:  Domination and writing blogs has a quirks..I wrote about these quirks here.   Two recent blogs, in light of all the above information, should now fit like puzzle pieces into the last few days of writings. First I wrote “Does your humility interfere with your slavery?” and then I wrote “I am ignoring you, slave!”.

I wrote those pieces a much for you, as for her. NOW, you can see how those pieces were influenced and shaped by our behind-the-scenes drama.  I was in the middle of being the irresistible force that I am, busy molding my slave into who I wanted her to be, but I couldn’t come out and say that.

If I posted that before hand I would have further* boxed her into a public humiliation if she exercised consent.  (*NPE had listed her.)  Knowing all this I felt that it was best to leave some room for consent.  If she exercised consent I would have owned up to it.  Its how we roll.  It wouldn’t have been OK, but it is a consensual slave’s right. So I danced around this Master slave battle of wills in my blogs and pressed on.

The humility piece was an indirect look at her worries and fears. The ignoring piece was about laying down the law and being that irresistible force.  Both was a veiled look behind the blog at our lives.  If you pick up nothing else from me, get this one.  You manage the mind of your slave, not their body.  Patience combined with a strong will are your most powerful tools.  Anger can be a useful tool but you should almost never need it.

On the day before the competition, she asked for permission to worry.  Let me say that again.. She asked for permission to worry.  I am so proud of that girl some times it make my heart ache.   I granted permission, but only for a couple hours because we had important preparations to make,

and then I said: The only way you could disappoint me is to not go.  Izrina replied:  You won’t let me.  

OK.. I wanted to cry.  Do you get the significance of the statement?  This is a highly intelligent woman.  She understands her power to exercise consent.   She studied law, she argues like a lawyer, she never goes into anything without research. She always has her facts down.  What would make her say “you won’t let me”?  Only this this: She was made incapable of exercising her right of consent by her powers of reasoning.  Because of that, in her mind, my will was in a very real way the only law that she could follow.  She would rather risk having a meltdown, than disappoint me.

She dressed in jeans for the boot blacking but for the dinner came out in a striking black dress.. simply beautiful.   There were workshops and some really exciting scenes and a wonderful burlesque show but we will get into all that in another blog.  I am dedicating this particular blog to the subject of Resolving Master and slave conflicts.  Here is a real world example of the things I preach about, the things that we go through, and how they might end.

Mine was a happy ending.  I couldn’t be more proud of my slave.  Oh..and I’m proud that I was honored to be a NPE judge, and all that “I’m awesome” jazz.. blah, blah, blah.. It’s not about me, like that.  It’s about me because of she who is my canvas.  It is a slave’s duty to make the Master they serve look good.  Izrina managed this time to exceed my wildest expectation.  Good girl!

Dancing with a handful of hair

People are pouring in tonight for the North East Power exchange competitions.  Sat with folks from Pennsylvanian and Maryland and chatted..  and danced… and chatted some more.  Warm glows from this evening…

(chuckles)… At one point the conversation was about fisting, and Sno is talking in practical terms about how to make the err.. “entry” happen, and she gets very excited and passionate and to further demonstrate, she stands at the table, lifts one leg up high onto the table so that her legs are properly spread and makes a fist.  And now she begins to point at her jeans with that fist while talking about proper entry… when she realizes this is a public place and people at the table across from us are giving us funny looks.. funny!…  I love that girl!  Well, she sat down quickly and giggled and hid her head, but I couldn’t be more proud of her.  If we were all so passionate and open about sex and what makes us come alive, the world would be a better place.

So in between fun little things like that, I took Izrina out on the floor for a little bump and grind..  It’s been a while since I pulled her back by a handful of hair, into a dip on the floor..  Dancing is so hot… sexual..   We dance the way we live.. with me in control, and she at my lead..  I can feel my dominance as I pull her in hard or release her, or her submission as she smiles under my control..   We don’t tango, but it feels like that. you know what I mean?  The man proud and tall, the woman seductive and flitting about him…

Tomorrow the workshops and competitions start!  Later, some play time.  We have a masochist looking for a round robin of whip handlers..  and the pup is hoping for a nice leather massage by MasterX….  yum!!!

You know, if you took your whip or flogger and beat a rock, what would you as a sadist get out of it?  I’ll tell you what.. nothing.  It is the reactions of the person under you that gives you that “something”.  Without another person, flogging is nothing.  So if you look at this objectively, something is happening between you.  Not that I am a sadist.. I am just a temporary tattoo artist.  But to my point, some people you connect with better than others during a scene .. and sometimes the connection is so meaningful that it is hard to put into words, even after you have done and felt this for many, many years.  I said all that to say this.. a scene with pup is one of those connections.  Might even experience Dom drop. Hope so, that would be the sign that the tank is full.

Life is good my friends! Don’t have a great day, make one.. and least we forget…the best way to do that is by being someone’s great day! Carpe Diem!