Tonight Izrina started to nod off in my arms, that lazy droopy eyed state she gets, where she talks in slurred speech as if drunk with sleep.. she’s so cute.. then, I asked for her gratitude ritual.
I mentioned earlier in the blog “Slaves don’t screw up, part 1”, that sometimes this ritual doesn’t happen the way I want. Since I went public with that, I have been especially attentive to this ritual. Like the captain that burned his ships so there was no turning back for the army, being public about this ritual has caused me to feel extra committed to its attention.
Now tonight, as she was just about to become incapable of coherent speech, I asked for her gratitude items. It was to my recollection, one of the nicer moments in our day. She searched her memory for something pleasant from the day and offered her first gratitude. I asked questions about that and we talked a bit. And so it went, three things she felt grateful for in her day, three conversations.
I am ever mindful of how she finds happiness. It should be from simple pleasures, and pride should never play a large role. It pleased me to have this opportunity to find good in our lives, and for me to be my Dominant self, guide and mentor, as we discussed the good in her day. I provided thought on each one, and was especially pleased with some.
Having completed her gratitude ritual, she was free to nod off and she dropped into sleep almost immediately. I however lay awake, thinking about how warm and nice that exchange had been.. and how it lay in sharp contrast to my feelings on this matter earlier.
I had some reflection to do. How was it possible for me to feel one way on one day, and so vastly different on another day. Was I unfair previously? Had something changed? What could be learned, to make all future rituals this pleasant?
It struck me that the key difference was the personal nature of the exchange. Our schedules do not always align. She has to be up very early. Barns and horses do not function on a 9 to 5 schedule. So we often resort to text. I am not one of those people who hates technology. Quite the opposite, I love and embrace it.
But it is not just technologies fault for the frequent lack of personal approach. I think moving forward, when she must turn in early and I will be up a while, I will add a new protocol. She won’t just ask for permission to go to bed ahead of me, I will also have to tuck her in. As I recall, this was an early protocol that I’ve let lapse and that is part of the problem. When we go sleep at the same time, the protocol for her to join me in bed is firmly in place. She always kneels by the side of the bed and requests permission to join me.
But when she goes to sleep first, well that protocol needs attention. If we can’t sleep on the same schedule, we can still make time to make something special of that moment. We can take time for me to tuck her in, for me to sit and listen to her rituals, and to send her to sleep with a warm exchange. Our lives will be better with this protocol firmly back in place.
And for the times when I can’t be there when she sleeps, that is when the ritual lapse has happened. That is the real area of concern. Text is available, but isn’t sent. It may seem odd to make such a big deal about such a little thing, listing three things you are grateful for. But this is part of what defines me.. the need to have these rules, rituals, and protocols, and have them obeyed with consistency. One more thing, just to be clear, it is not excusable for a requirement to not happen, just because I am not home.
All of this is why we need to keep the list short.. If you can’t remember all of your rules, rituals, and protocols, how can you be sure that there is consistency? The lapse of the tuck in protocol highlights this. If you can’t keep a protocol, don’t start it in the first place.. or officially retract it. Nothing is worse for a Master or a slave, than letting a protocol just slide into obscurity without conversation.
Its been another great day as a Master and property owner. As she left for work this morning, I said, see you tonight. She said, I wish I had a remote that allowed me to fast forward to then. It made me smile and be warmed.
In retrospect though, I should have talked more about that. Our happiness can not be found by waiting for someone or something. It must be found in every moment. And if someone or something pleasant awaits in our future, we shouldn’t rush the opportunities of now, to get to some future promise of happiness. Doing so only makes now unbearable. Better to put effort into making every moment full of joy. Life always presents challenges with opportunities, how we tackle them makes all the difference. Carpe Diem my friends… Go make a great day.