Obscurity, revisited – shhh! The secret of happiness revealed.

I was re-reading my last post, finding and correcting the spelling mistakes that I always seem to find AFTER I click post, and this hit me:

Its been another great day as a Master and property owner.  As she left for work this morning, I said, see you tonight.  She said, I wish I had a remote that allowed me to fast forward to then.  It made me smile and be warmed.

You may not see anything wrong in that statement but Izrina would catch it right away.  If SHE said this, I’d be on her right away.  The part of this that would cause this is “It made me smile”.   I try to strike that kind of language from my world, and hers.

Nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing should “make me” anything.  I will “make me”.  I will choose what I attach focus to, and what I dismiss.  It is by this action that I create a happier me.  It can be an effort, but what I get in return is exactly what you want.. Its what anyone reading this wants.

Oh sure, you may be alone and want a Master, or a slave. You may want to be held, or have better sex.  You may want a sexier car or maybe just one that is more dependable.  You may want to own your house, or have a second one for rental income or a vacation spot.  I could guess forever at what you think you want, but here is the point: You want these things because you want happiness.  Really, all you want is happiness.   Does it matter where you find it, if you have it?

What I might have said was: I focused on those words, and felt warmed by them.  THIS would be more in keeping with what I teach.  “Made me” is so very hard to drive out of your language.  I’ve been at it for years and it still creeps in from time to time.

We embrace things or not. We give focus to things or not.  And when we embrace or focus on a thing, does it “make us” still?  To answer that question, I would point out that a Master may give oral service to a slave and still be in control.  A slave can give oral service to a Master and still be a consensual slave. Neither was ultimately “made” to give service.  Both chose to embrace it.

Through consent the slave chose to be Dominated.  The oral service was by extension, a choice.  The Master chose to exercise their Dominance in this manner and perhaps was a bit sadistic with the orgasm, to use that control further.  Both performed the same service, yet their head was in a completely different place.  When we consent, when we give focus to a thing, it no longer “makes us”.

When we say, this made me, or that made me, we are giving up control to every possible good and bad thing in our life.  But when we give focus to the good and dismiss the bad, we take control of our happiness, and our lives become more rich and full. Effort is rewarded.  You will find it easier to ignore the bad, and enjoy the good over time.  No doubt about it, the phoenix has risen.  Got to finish up a little house repair, and then its time for a motorcycle ride I think.  Life is good!

Protocols that slip into obscurity

Tonight Izrina started to nod off in my arms, that lazy droopy eyed state she gets, where she talks in slurred speech as if drunk with sleep.. she’s so cute..  then, I asked for her gratitude ritual.

I mentioned earlier in the blog “Slaves don’t screw up, part 1”, that sometimes this ritual doesn’t happen the way I want.  Since I went public with that, I have been especially attentive to this ritual.  Like the captain that burned his ships so there was no turning back for the army, being public about this ritual has caused me to feel extra committed to its attention.

Now tonight, as she was just about to become incapable of coherent speech, I asked for her gratitude items.  It was to my recollection, one of the nicer moments in our day.  She searched her memory for something pleasant from the day and offered her first gratitude.  I asked questions about that and we talked a bit.  And so it went, three things she felt grateful for in her day, three conversations.

I am ever mindful of how she finds happiness.  It should be from simple pleasures, and pride should never play a large role.  It pleased me to have this opportunity to find good in our lives, and for me to be my Dominant self, guide and mentor, as we discussed the good in her day.  I provided thought on each one, and was especially pleased with some.

Having completed her gratitude ritual, she was free to nod off and she dropped into sleep almost immediately.   I however lay awake, thinking about how warm and nice that exchange had been.. and how it lay in sharp contrast to my feelings on this matter earlier.

I had some reflection to do.  How was it possible for me to feel one way on one day, and so vastly different on another day.  Was I unfair previously?  Had something changed?   What could be learned, to make all future rituals this pleasant?

It struck me that the key difference was the personal nature of the exchange.  Our schedules do not always align.  She has to be up very early.  Barns and horses do not function on a 9 to 5 schedule.   So we often resort to text.  I am not one of those people who hates technology.   Quite the opposite, I love and embrace it.

But it is not just technologies fault for the frequent lack of personal approach.  I think moving forward, when she must turn in early and I will be up a while, I will add a new protocol.  She won’t just ask for permission to go to bed ahead of me,  I will also have to tuck her in.  As I recall, this was an early protocol that I’ve let lapse and that is part of the problem.  When we go sleep at the same time, the protocol for her to join me in bed is firmly in place.  She always kneels by the side of the bed and requests permission to join me.

But when she goes to sleep first, well that protocol needs attention.  If we can’t sleep on the same schedule, we can still make time to make something special of that moment.  We can take time for me to tuck her in, for me to sit and listen to her rituals, and to send her to sleep with a warm exchange.  Our lives will be better with this protocol firmly back in place.

And for the times when I can’t be there when she sleeps,  that is when the ritual lapse has  happened.  That is the real area of concern. Text is available, but isn’t sent.  It may seem odd to make such a big deal about such a little thing, listing three things you are grateful for.  But this is part of what defines me.. the need to have these rules, rituals, and protocols, and have them obeyed with consistency.  One more thing, just to be clear, it is not excusable for a requirement to not happen, just because I am not home.

All of this is why we need to keep the list short.. If you can’t remember all of your rules, rituals, and protocols, how can you be sure that there is consistency?   The lapse of the tuck in protocol highlights this.  If you can’t keep a protocol, don’t start it in the first place.. or officially retract it. Nothing is worse for a Master or a slave, than letting a protocol just slide into obscurity without conversation.

Its been another great day as a Master and property owner.  As she left for work this morning, I said, see you tonight.  She said, I wish I had a remote that allowed me to fast forward to then.  It made me smile and be warmed.

In retrospect though, I should have talked more about that.  Our happiness can not be found by waiting for someone or something.  It must be found in every moment.  And if someone or something pleasant awaits in our future, we shouldn’t rush the opportunities of now, to get to some future promise of happiness.  Doing so only makes now unbearable.  Better to put effort into making every moment full of joy.   Life always presents challenges with opportunities, how we tackle them makes all the difference.  Carpe Diem my friends… Go make a great day.