In keeping with this whole “Dom’s don’t cry” theme I think its about time we flipped over the cards and showed the other side. Normally, I don’t allow anything but the good side of my Ds relation to be revealed in this blog. And there is plenty of good stuff to talk about.
Work today basically sucked, but I had a hot tub and a cold drink waiting for me to relax with, just as I ordered, which pleased me greatly. Supper too was exactly as requested and again, I was quite pleased.
But I have this thing going on for the past few days that frankly is pissing me off. If you have read my blog much, you will know about our two daily rituals, Daily appreciation, and Daily Gratitude. The day starts with the first and ends with the second. Lately, Izrina has been skipping her Daily Gratitude ritual.
This triggers my Dom side to get serious. First I am unhappy, displeased, and generally shocked. What I do when a slave doesn’t behave like a slave is stick to the program and refuse to let it go or overlook it. I am going to be the Dom I was meant to be, and nothing changes that. So I check my anger, I draw my patience, and I point out what was missed, and I wait for this to be corrected. And it does get corrected, because nothing else will get my attention until this is done.
But in the meantime a whole host of things are happening inside me. First, I am thinking, “How the hell can this happen? Am I not clear, do we not do this every day? What possible reasoning could there be that allows this failure? Does she not know that I won’t let this slide? How could she not know I am going to double down on this?”
I know it can be difficult at times to shift into gratitude mode and to think of three things that actually were nice in a rotten day can be a chore, but that is the whole point. When life is rough, we have to work at the mental shift, we have to put effort into changing our focus. This is important. I am not going to let it just drop. Again, wth???
While I am checking my anger, and working my patience, I am now at a disadvantage regarding finding my own happiness. I guess I could be happy that I have material to work on, but ignoring a standing ritual shouldn’t be one of those areas I need to fix or work on, or so I reason. So I just am annoyed and puzzled. But I won’t let things make me, I make me, so now I invest effort into not being annoyed. And that need to put in effort leads to a new annoyance which I must erase. And so it goes, the trigger that causes me to work harder at being both Dom and spiritual leader. In most respects, and most times, she is a perfect slave.
So yes, sometimes there is trouble in paradise. Some times a perfect slave does screw up and frankly I can’t say I know exactly why. I am generally fairly good at reading her mind but this one has me stumped. It happens from time to time, things just like this and I just wonder.. where did my perfect slave go.. and when will she be back? Why is this stranger challenging me?
Like I said earlier, normally, I don’t allow anything but the good side of my Ds relation to be revealed in this blog – but I don’t want you to get the impression that screw ups never happen or that everything is always perfect. The fact is, sometimes slaves do screw up, but with patience and determination I can make it right, but I can’t get inside her head when she isn’t acting “all slave like” – and that pisses me off too.
Like I also said earlier, I personally have a lot to be grateful for tonight, and I will be damned if this one thing will get in the way of a good mood or an otherwise wonderful evening. It is what it is and I’ll deal with it. Carpe Diem my friends!