Just when you thought the “Dom’s don’t cry” series was done, ta da! Yes, rising from the dead like some Halloween fright, is yet another chapter in this series.
In “Doms don’t cry, part 1”, I spoke to the fact that if you are not compatible in a Ds kind of way, a Dom just has to suck it up and get on with life. We might encourage begging, it feeds the power dynamic, but begging is destructive when we do it.
In “Doms don’t cry, part 2”, I spoke to my human side, the Dom that is a loving father and Dad. We are all people, Mothers, brothers, sisters, fathers, best friends, with someone and it can pull us out of our “persona”.
Tonight, we need to take another look at the “tough guy” side of being Dom. There is this thing that sometimes happens, where we are at first not eager to let the real bad boy out, so to speak, because we know we need to be a little flexible. As Raven Kaldera put it:
I don’t compromise with my slave, I compromise with reality. ~ Quote – Raven Kaldera, speaking about being flexible as a Master.
So while yes, in a CNC or TPE we can order anything we desire, we also understand the importance of an equitable exchange, that the relation is pleasing to both parties. And that is where the rub comes in. Let’s face it, if I can order a blow job anytime I want, I am damn well going to. But there is a certain degree of uncertainty that comes with being sexually selfish. While we want to take, and use, and demand sexually, and we should without apology, we might not always be so forthcoming about how we feel.
There may be an uncertainty. It is not uncommon to put up a strong front, to demand from our slaves total access to their thoughts, but not do the same with our own feelings. We may not want to let things show which may appear weak, or “less Dommly”. We might even shy away from doing things we want, because it may appear to be a less in control kind of thing. Both things are completely wrong for a Dom to do.
First, yes, if you get angry you need to check that and approach problems with a cool head. But you also need to let your feelings show. It is fine to withhold your reasons for your decisions, you need not explain yourself, but it is also unfair to withhold the vital clues that help a slave better understand you. You should allow yourself the freedom of showing your feelings. More importantly, if you are not being brutally honest with your slave about your feelings, you may lie to yourself and make compromises you and they regret later.
The second thing that is wrong to hold back on is when you want something, but think it may appear less in control, so you do not demand this thing you want. I am here to tell you that you can order anything, and still be in control. You CAN be a masochist and a Master. The difference is that you order what happens to any degree you wish to control it. You can suck dick or eat pussy and still be in charge. And you can prove it by not stopping until you feel like it, which can turn an orgasm into torture. The difference between a slave giving oral, and a Dominant, is the control, and the reason for doing it. If you do it because you want to, and for control, you are Dominant. If you do it because you were ordered to and to please, you are submissive. Control is felt. You know when you are being controlled, even if it is subtle and manipulative.
So yes, a Dom is always in charge, leading, guiding and coaching. And yes, a Dom may choose to be stoic, silent, reserved, when in their estimation the situation calls for it. But a Dom can also let you see them get mad, chuckle, laugh, and yes cry. A Dom is defined by the Dominance they make others feel and a great Dom can do it in an instant, with a word or a look. Carpe Diem my friends! Make a great day!