Some time ago, I wrote a piece called “Dom’s don’t cry”. You can go back and read it or I’ll just summarize here. Essentially, my point was because our gift is Domination, we can’t give it to someone that doesn’t want what we have to offer. A slave must crave what we offer. The begging is one direction only. If a relationship ends, a true Dominant will suck it up. We can’t beg someone to take us back. Time for part 2.
Where have you been X? – If you have been wondering what corner of the world I dropped off recently I understand. In addition to being a Dominant, I am also a father. The whole “BDSM daddy thing” kind of freaks me out. As a loving parent who wants to protect, and nurture my daughter, my head-space recoils from anything along those lines that would include a romantic angle. That being said, as a father and a Dominant I find the opportunity to be a father who protects and nurtures to be a very pleasurable responsibility.
One of those responsibilities is to give my daughter the best start I can at College. So this past week I have been traveling and moving and purchasing and meeting with people. Its been a rather busy time. She will be living many, many, many hours away from home and there is zero chance I can get there in a hurry if I am needed. So I did the best I could to make sure she was secure, prepared, and sent on her way. As I said when I left: “I’ve given you an excellent start. Make something great with it. I believe in you.”
Letting go – When I began to make the preparations for this move, my friends and associates warned me that it would be hard to let go and painful. Nah, I would say. “I only see her once or twice a week now. As a teenager with a car, she spends all of her time with her friends. It will be a week before I notice she is gone.”
Well, I was good right up until I was ready to drive home and then she began to cry. I strongly believe that with freedom comes responsibility. I have been letting go a little more each month since she was 14, giving more freedom for more responsibility. I wasn’t prepared to have her cry. It was difficult. But I reminded her that she could call anytime and I would always do anything I could to assist. And then I let go, went to my car, and drove off.
Long drive home – God was that a very long drive home. Inside, a bubbling sea of emotions was taking me up and down and I couldn’t get a handle on my usually stoic resolve. I realized that I was going to miss the aspects of our relationship that I so deeply appreciated all these years. Since she was born, I always carved out a day once a week to spend time with her.. if she didn’t put her friends first. On some days we would enjoy a new restaurant, or a movie, or maybe we would buy sandwiches and hike to a scenic location to sit, eat, and talk. Often her friends joined us, and I would sit and speak of life and choices. I would have the opportunity to shape the priorities of not just my own daughter, but often answer questions for young men and women who were looking for answers. I had become something of a confidant, a guru, a life coach for not only her, but her friends as well.
As I thought back on these special times, I began to count the miles and minutes until I reached the half way point, where I had promised myself that I would make a call to check in on her.. see how she was doing. I had every confidence that once routines of College started she would be fine, but the quiet moments can be rough. We tend to fill our lives with noise and distractions. Not everyone is prepared for silence and deep reflections.
The text – It was about 20 miles to the half way point when a long rambling text arrived from my daughter. In it, she said what a great dad I had been, and was, and how much she appreciated and loved me. The text went on for quite a bit, but since I was already bubbling with emotions and thoughts this text brought it all to a head. I called right away. Are you trying to make me cry? I accused of her jokingly.
Conclusion – So the trip is done, the bills from the move in are paid, I’ve caught up on the work that backed up while I was gone. I’ve spoken with employees and put new focus into our projects, so its time to get back to my “other life”. All of the melancholy aside, I couldn’t be more proud or more happy with the way her life is going. Life truly is good. Izrina was a blessing during the trip. You will notice that I never mention if during all this, if I actually did cry… I’ll leave that for you to wonder.