Well, the bags are packed, and I am relaxing with my last Bacardi in Vegas before the grueling trip home. I’ll catch eight hours sleep then it’s cars, buses, trams, connections, lay overs, I’ll do it all to get back. There is a melancholy to the end of a thing. We often miss a thing, even if it annoyed us. We sometimes stay with the devil we know rather than risk something new. I am thinking about that now, the end of business, and what lies ahead, with my common expectations of making an adventure of it.
But this thing about ending, that we blind ourselves to what is, rather than take a risk to have more. It’s like the gamblers here, do they stay with the hand they have, or try to push the odds? No doubt about it, life is always a gamble.. if you are looking to create a specific outcome. And that my friends is the key. We can’t hold onto the the things we deeply desire with a grip of steel, we can’t grasp with greedy fingers what we would have. We need to live each moment in the moment, filling our hearts with joy, and remembering that evil done in this life is a self inflicted wound in the next. When we let go, the whole world comes to us in wonderful ways.
Soon I will be home, where my heart is. I am not unhappy being apart. I have had years to learn this secret of making life an adventure. But my slave has only had this brief part of her life to unlearn how to be righteously pissed off, to unlearn that a white knight can rescue you from an evil world. She has embraced this dark, dangerous soul that would consume her to set her free. She is learning that in her bondage to the universe, in her service to others, in being someones great day, she can find her own happiness. I know she tries. She is getting better at being a free and happy soul every day. But I also feel she is not ready to having the training wheels taken off, to be for long periods without that which now controls her life, me.
When she is asleep, as she will be when I get there, and I touch her, she makes a soft coo like a dove. And as recognition of who has disturbed her sleep comes into focus, so too does the love for the Master she serves. THAT is something to look forward to. THAT is something worth getting to. If I die tomorrow, at least my last thoughts are of a happy reunion. Let the adventure begin, M is coming home! Carpe Diem, my friends.