I was speaking with a dear friend, Katz. She and her partner have a very complex Dominant/switch, poly relation that is a pleasure to observe. Before I go into that conversation though, time for a “Living with X” update. Tonight was the Hudson Valley Love of Leather munch (HVLOL). For those of you who follow from places far from the Hudson Valley, let me describe the area.
In 1609, Henry Hudson while looking for a passage west through the Americas discovered the Hudson river, a vast inlet that passes deep into New York State providing sea going vessels with access far inland, up from New York City. New York City is every bit the Metropolis you might imagine, but not far outside the city to the north, after you get away from the suburbs, the land turns to rolling hills and farmlands. Many old hamlets, towns and cities sprang up along the Hudson as you can well imagine and the state capital for NY sits at the extreme end of that water way access. Not far to the west of this waterway is another rather long river system, the Delaware river. It has been set aside as a national park where people can kayak, fish, and raft. Between these two rivers in the states of New York and New Jersey are many wonderful and scenic places to camp, hike, and admire scenery. You will find waterfalls, and rivers, hills and mountains where every conceivable form of rural recreation can be had. In fact, this weekend I plan to Kayak in a vast swamp area, filled with birds, fish, turtles and vegetation of all sorts. There are clear water channels that pass through, in maze like manner, making for a lovely afternoon of exploring and nature watching. What makes the Hudson Valley so nice, is that you have the best of both worlds – You can pop onto a train into the city, enjoy a metropolitan experience, and then once again retreat to beauty of nature, and the smell of cows.. ahh… some perfumes of country living are an acquired taste.
The munch tonight was packed. We have a private room at the restaurant where we meet, and we had exactly four unfilled seats left. I had one of those moments, where you are detached from the crowds and everything is slow motion, you just take in the events in all of its complexity..and it was a warm and wonderful vibe. People hugging and laughing and shaking hands, making jokes, all against that buzz of a large crowd where conversations are indistinguishable unless you pay attention.
ItsKitten, a sexy eighteen year old friend of my daughter came with her boyfriend. She would like him to become a Master, though he’ll need a mentor to step up. She is eager, he I can’t read, but it seems he has the strength to not be pushed, an individual who will do what he wants without explaining himself. Most of our crowd is around 40 to 50, but they blended in nicely, which made me happy to see.
And now back to that conversation with Katz. It was about rules and protocols. I have many protocols, but only two rules. Katz was interested to hear what my rules were, why I have only two. It’s very simple. I have felt for a very long time that we inexplicably seem to treat those that we are close to, worse than we would a stranger. I find that strange. I think we allow the drama of daily life to blind us to the value of loved ones, and once blinded we take each other for granted.
To keep this blindness out of my life, I have a philosophy that we should never be so busy that we can not stop, to smell the roses. Put another way, you can not let the plans of your life prevent you from enjoying those precious little moment that are right in front of you. Often if you stop right where you are, and look around, there are things of beauty right there in the chaos. Blue skys, puppies playing, the laughter of children, an abandoned tricycle rusting in weeds, lovers holding hands, even the melancholy sight of a commuter lost in the doldrums of the trip to or from work reminds us of how different the world can be when we stop to enjoy this moment, right here, right now.
More important than stopping to smell the roses, is how we share these moments, how we communicate the beauty and love that is all around us, with those that we would make important in our lives. I find that nonverbal communication between caring people, such as a touch on the arm, a hug, a kiss, a caress, seems to cut through the chaos of this world. It has an immediacy, an energy, a connection that runs deep. When I bring all of this together, it forms the basis for my reasoning for my two rules.
I have many protocols. She must walk to my right. She must wait for me to open the car door, I will buckle her in, she will use protocol to request permission to speak when I am with another Dominant, she will wait for permission to start eating, she will serve drinks in protocol fashion.. on and on they go. There is hardly anything she can do, that she does not feel some tendril of my existence creeping into her actions and choices. They form the basis of control without me needing to micromanage. But rules, well rules are rules. These are commands I take with the utmost urgency. My two rules are indistinguishable from protocols, except that I CALL them rules, because of the importance I place on them.
So what protocol could be so important that I would call it a rule? Simply this. Touch. A slave is still a human being, subject to all of the emotional ups and downs of anyone. She has her days when she fairly purrs under my touch and days when she bristles. But I will not let her pull away. She is required, when ever she is in my presence to make a physical connection. This is rule one. In touch she is to show her worship. Worship of this body that holds the soul that would guide her. In public, it may be my arm that I offer her to hold. In a restaurant, it is a thigh against mine. If seated across from me, its is a leg extended under the table. In private, it may be cock worship, appreciation for that part of me that above all else, she craves. Rule two involves touching herself. I require that she show me her hunger for contact, that she nurture the desire for physical connection.
When we part, my communication is non-verbal. I place my hand over her heart, feel the connection, heart to heart, feel her love pouring from heart to hand, and back again from me. You may not believe in energy but I do. I can feel her love when she pours it out, and never so strongly as when there is touch. I believe though that love can bridge any separation of time and space. At the door or from across a room, I will place my hand over my heart, and then turn my palm towards her in a tai chi like moment, bridging the distance between us with love, sending that energy, heart to heart. For an especially strong connection, I will focus on my Chakras, feel the energy course up and down the spine, and out to the hands.
I believe we are all children of God, capable of eternal life, playful otters of the universes, unfettered by time or space who inhabit these vessels we call bodies so that we can express ourselves in physical experiences. Why then would I not want to enjoy the thing that defines this existence, the sights, smells, vision, and touch of this world? When we stop, and take in all the beauty around us then we awaken to the possibilities of simple joys. When we open all of our senses to the touch of another soul there comes an appreciation that the deep and mysterious connection in touch has a “realness” that is unmistakable. There are many moments that will awake this sense of connection to the children of God we all are. A puppy in your lap, the hug of parent, a child in your arms, the gentle touch of a loved one beside you – all of these can remind us of what is important. So it is, I make touch the basis of my two rules.