A woman and her cat – There once was a woman who had a cat and when she came home at night she and the cat were very cozy and happy together. Then the cat had kittens and she couldn’t part with them all and kept a few. Each kitten became a cat and each competed for time with her with varying degrees of success, and from that time on she was never as close to her cat as she once was. Moral = The quality of your relations is inversely proportion to the number of quality relations you try to have.
We only have so much time – I can not create a minute, even the minutes of my life belong to a higher force. The only thing I truly own, are my choices. ~Xtac Quote
Our worlds overlap – I spent the entire day with my daughter yesterday. She had a major life event and needed the support of her dad. It was the right thing to do on every level. I did not however have any time for my slave, and it causes me to think about that.
Family, friends, and our kinky lives. So strange that these are all inseparably intertwined, each with its own passion and needs and yet one world of which we are such an important part may by its nature, not be allowed to be part of another world of which we are an important part.
I dislike this separation, this duality of my life, that to my employer and certain friends and family I must suppress that part of me which I feel so deeply passionate about. Believe me, I am as open I I feel I can be, with the people who I trust but even that is unsatisfying in ways. I’ve been asked to “tone it down”. I imagine its the way a gay person feels when the family asks them to not hug, or kiss at a family event. Same thing really, except for me its not wearing as much leather, not having my slave quite so obviously at my beck and call, not being quite so obviously directing her.
I am the woman with the cat – I think the rest of the worlds, all those people, family, friends, and such, in a very general kind of way, disappoint me. Nothing is quite as good as being with my slave. Nothing quite matches being with my own kind. Diversity still happens. I like being with different ages, races, genders, sexual orientation, etc, its just that I need those people to be thinking, thoughtful, caring, open minded people who are more concerned with ethics than morals.
So I am the woman with the cat. I don’t want any kittens. I want to just be left alone, with my slave and a few close friends. Family, and business associates can be friends but they don’t have to be. When I am working I will be doing the work I like and that’s good as far as it goes. When I am with family, I’ll be with family, which is often more commitment than fun, but its important and so it goes. But friends and my slave, ah! Now that is where my heart is. It is important to me to keep a small circle of friends so that I have time for them.
I had the kittens – It seems that I am the one who added a kitten to my life. And by kitten I mean another life to find time for . I am lucky. My daughter is family, but she is also my friend too. She has grown to be a strong, intelligent, happy, person with reasonably good decision making skills. I take only small credit for that. You can’t make children, you can’t even steer them. In many ways, I was still a child until I was a father. Being a parent is required I think, to grow up. Reminds me of one of my favorite quotes:
Adults don’t make children, children make adults – X quote
So while I try to keep a small group of friends, and I try to guard my time and use it wisely, I know that we have only so many grains of sand in the hourglass. I don’t want to leave this world with unfinished business. Each day is an opportunity to live life to the fullest. I don’t want to waste one precious minute doing stuff I don’t want, with people I don’t want to be with.
My dad day is behind me, my work day is ahead of me, and tonight is the Master and slave support group meeting. My slave has a long day of work to get through as well. My daughter needs her rest. So many worlds, so much to do. Love it or leave it behind. Time to roll up my sleeves and do what I do. Bring it on world, I’m ready!