Collaring from the heart, An”X” workshop

So, I promised an update on how the workshop went.  If you didn’t catch that in an earlier blog, Friday night I gave my workshop “Collaring from the heart”, at “Feel Me Breathe”. Feel Me Breathe, is part dungeon, part playground, part leather family center, part workshop area, and well, basically an extension of everything you could hope to run into if BDSM is your thing.  My workshop ran for about two hours.  My slave was at my feet the whole time, well except when I sent her for a fresh bottle of water.  Nice evening.

Where is another presenter in the area: Raven Kaldera.  I saw a presentation by him years ago and was blown away.  Good stuff.  We also brought him to FMB not too long ago.  One thing that really stays with me about the first workshop I saw him in was the effect he had on his boy.  His slave was practically glowing.  So happy to be there, with Master, and part of his world.

I took that lesson with me.  I said earlier that I wanted her as “eye candy”.  Well yes I am that shallow and no I am not. The eye candy I want her to be is the perfect slave, full of positive energy, like I saw for Raven.  I had determined in advance that if my slave had a bad day, that we would do a very brief tantra mediation before starting to clear her negativity.  I have this ability with her, to change everything, and I was prepared to use that to ensure she was in the right mindset for that evening.

Moreover, I want her to be happy.  I want that happiness to bubble up in her service to me, during the workshop and always.  I am pleased to say that no mediation was required.  I am quite proud of my slave.  She shrugged off the worries of the day and brought it. I like to think that she is a happier, more complete person, in her chains.  If I can give to she who is my canvas, the keys to her perpetual happiness,  it will please me immensely.  Plus, I really love when she sits at my feet.

Towards the end, as I sat and chatted, she stood behind me arms around me and there it was – that feeling so strong you would swear that you could just hold it. How odd that we can’t prove that energy is “real”.  You know, to be “real”, I have to be able to see and hold and take pictures of of a thing.  To be “real” things be put into piles and I have to be able to take those things from your pile and add them to mine.  “Real things” can be counted, tracked, and show up in charts.  Real or not, Master was pleased with the energy emanating from his slave.

And what of the workshop?  Well first I must remind you that happiness is found in simple things and I had my happiness well in hand.  The workshop was just icing on the cake.  What could a Dominant love more than an opportunity to teach?

We talked about the three traditional collars, and protection collars and why they might fit with the concept of three collars, and about velcro collars and virtual collars.  We discussed what they mean to us, the emotions we invest in them, and the ceremonies we can have around them.  We talked about protocols for collars, and selecting one, etc, etc. There was lots to talk about.  And since I’m a zealot about these kinds of things, my passion was high.. bet you could have guessed that  though.  So with my slave at my feet, her love and energy emanating so strongly, and I among my own kind, with the opportunity to be passionate about what I believe, yeah, all the best things in life were part of that evening.

The fact that it ran about two hours, should tell you that there was much to discuss, much to consider.  Never underestimate the seemingly small, simple things and what they can do to make your life better.. and just for the record.. a collar is no small thing.


Thinking about types

So I’m reading some older stuff by some of the bloggers I like, and hopping around through their likes and dislikes, and I come across a piece by emdimensional.  Its a blog that is sensitive and well thought out and well spoken and it gets my juices going to think and research.  The piece I am referring to is about submissive types

A first I am thinking, I should request permission to repost this in DSG (my Dominant Support Group), but I always like to let decisions sit for a while and sure enough, after thinking a while I begin to wonder, what exactly are the characteristics of these different sTypes?   It an old subject really, the one of labels.  Funny, one of my favorite bloggers just ranted about the label primal“.   Gotta pause to explain why its a favorite-Unlike Vile’s blog  that has lots of great advice, Dot’s blog is everything a slave journal should be.  Its always chock full of stuff any Dominant would want to work with, and any slave can empathize with.  Some days I just want to give the girl a hug, (with consent of course, and with her Sirs permission-protocols first you know.)

Well, just to give you a taste of where my head was at with this sTypes thing, I found myself contrasting and comparing types.  Pets and littles really started to get my attention.   From my perspective, their needs and wants are very similar. Neither is a fully realized semi-autonomous adult to be directed or objectified.  Its more about the freedom of who you are, than freedom in slavery, though all slaves to some degree are set free by release of decisions to an owner.  When I think pet I think of something playful at my feet, like a puppy or kitten, and looking for my affection.  And when I think of a little I think of someone playing at my feet, like a child, who looks for my approval and guidance in all things.  The two are very close in some ways, and both are very different from other sTypes in other ways.

If you think of a real child, or a real pet, you realize that there are people who love their dogs and cats just like children.  The maternal and paternal instincts kick in and there is a real love and affection that can happen between humans and animals.  So I began to think, what exactly defines each and where do the differences lie?

This lead me to think of a venn diagram, and I started one but it got so complex, I changed my analysis to a matrix.  Of course both need to relinquish control to some degree.  I realized that both pet and little needed the freedom of approval. Approval to be what sets you free is important.  Also it seemed to me there is a need for instruction, to be directed by another.  Direction is different from the total control and structure that a slave might need.  While a pet or little may want control and structure, these to me didn’t seem to be a need of either type.  It seemed to me that the primary difference is that a little can be directed to a task while a pet is trained to a task. None of it felt firm.  I felt like the real differences, were eluding me.  Where the hell was my muse with all the answers?   So I continued to think, and research about these labels.  My slave has a keen mind, so I bounced some thoughts off her.  Wish I could demonstrate that brilliance but she was half asleep when I hit her with questions.  She starts work early, so I let her sleep.  Btw, she was perfect at the workshop..I’ll blog that separately, later.

I started to realize as I listed the primary needs, secondary needs, may need, and may want categories of sTypes, that a test could be created that would tell you what kind of submissive a person is.  But what about Dominants?  What are the types of these?   I was starting to formulate in my mind how this could be done as a questionnaire, perhaps on a website app with scripts and results.  I had a rough idea actually that I was toying with doing. Then in the course of researching and fleshing out my thoughts I ran across this site by Michael Makai.  Apparently he put up such a site and test in 2013.  Michael if you are not familiar, was indicted for transporting a minor across state lines from NYS to Lawton Oklahoma and allowing her to be part of his Ds home, while under the age of 18.  On this page I found he has a Dominant Test Page

GOING OFF THE RAILS – When I read  Michael’s stuff, I am struck but the intelligence and thought he put into his material.  I makes me wonder how he could be so freaking brilliant and so fucking stupid at the same time.  Something doesn’t add up here. Two of his own Dominant categories are “Collector” and “White knight”, yet here he was doing both things.. collecting another slave for a poly house while “helping her”.  Most people won’t go near someone under 21, let alone someone under 18.

Sorry to go off track with the Michael Makai stuff but it bothers me.  Being a person with a large measure of personal control I find it hard to get inside the head of a person who allows desire to take a higher priority to ethics and my responsibilities.  Or maybe ego sometimes refuses to believe that anyone could be smart enough to catch you.  Being intelligent, he had to consider laws that might apply. I have to believe he calculated the variables and considered the outcome of his actions. How he came to the decision to get involved is beyond my understanding.

Those that play way outside the normal ethics and law is is another “type” I try but admittedly fail to understand.  I do understand that a sociopath is smart enough to try to convince you that they are playing fair, but also unfeeling enough to play by their own set of rules without concern for anyone else. I think its fair to say that between healthy and sociopath is a range of people who do play outside the rules but understand what they are doing.  Sociopath is a sickness and not something I would not  pin on someone as I am  not trained to make such an evaluation.  What worries me is that the number of people who will act on desire knowing it will compromise their ethics and responsibility.  I suspect that number is far larger than I imagine.  If correct, and this is where the masses are, it also means that my vision of the three slave responsibilities, that places personal ethics as number one on the priorities list, is a vision that might be paid lip service but won’t be embraced by most.  But I digress.

BACK ON TRACK – This post is getting longer than I intended.  If you got this far, I’m pleased that a glimpse into my thinking interested you enough to keep reading.

After spending nearly all day thinking about types, I have come away with some thoughts, most of which are not new.   I have long known that labels continue to be both helpful and a problem.  I realize that a small simple list of labels is confusing to those left out, but a long list is begins to nitpick over unimportant details and any list is both helpful and a problem.  I realize because of my detail driven nature, I personally like the long list. I realize that trying to provide a definitive list is narcissistic and egotistic, but providing one with the humility to admit it is going to be just a starting point is helpful.  That we need to give a lot more thought to the types of Doms and their characteristics.  That we need a category for people who just like sex with Dominance thrown in because sex is often the predominant need above any other consideration – Dominance is just how they like to do it. And finally, the Makai notes have soured me to the whole project because when I found that my thoughts were in some ways aligning with his I had to stop to reflect . The Makai stop might be silly but I find taking time to reflect and consider my choices to be time well spent.

I know I’m not done thinking about types and labels but for now, I’ve exhausted any free time that I had to devote to the subject and the Makai thing is still “got my goat”.  Time to get back to real life.  Wish my slave didn’t have to leave for work today.  Gotta get her into a  job with hours and days that work better for me.