I am sitting here mulling over one of the paradoxes of TPE. We don’t don’t fight. If you haven’t experienced a successful TPE relation, then you may have misunderstandings about the lack of drama, the lack of fighting.
You may think that I am describing an unhealthy relation. – that drama does not happen because the slave must compromise in every disagreement. Why then would an Owner even bother to listen to a slave at all, if they are just going to command what ever they please without regard for the slaves thoughts or desires? No we do listen, and still there is no drama. What then is the purpose of listening, if we can but rarely do compromise?
As Owners and Dominants we may find it hard to admit that we sometimes compromise, as if somehow such an admission makes us less of a Dominant. But the truth is that a great Owner has the humility, wisdom, and intelligence to listen and adjust plans to achieve a better outcome.
The question then becomes, what is the better outcome? It depends. Sometimes the only reason for the Owner to not compromise is to establish authority; to make the slave taste their submission more completely, when in the Owners judgement such an experience seems needed. It takes a huge leap of faith to entrust another with such power.
I questioned in another blog recently, which is greater: The commands of an Owner, or a hard limits list? Some might argue that the owner must have complete control, even over a hard limits list. Why? Because it is the measure of the owner that we must trust, to use the power of total control for a better outcome.
Sometimes when an Owner compromises it is because the timing is not right. Often a compromise by an Owner is with regards to something that will surface again. An owner may choose to change what a slave likes, and unbelievable as this may sound, such changes are quite possible in the immersive nature of TPE.
These can be difficult things to accept, let alone embrace. Certainly a slave feels the need to relinquish a greater level of control but there will times when an owner tests the degree of trust, making the slave face their belief that the control is being used for their mutual greater good. Its the trial we all hope to pass through unscathed. Control, trust, and communication – they are like the three legs of a stool. Take away one and it can not stand up. We must listen and use that council to make it work.
We listen because we are striving to create something better, and because we crave the opportunity to take submission like a great canvas on which we will create a masterpiece and shape it to our will. We value the property that makes this possible, the mind and talents at our disposal. As Owners who would be great, we have the wisdom, humility, and intelligence to seek council from our slaves. None of us wants a robot, we want the challenge, thrill, and excitement of interacting with property that makes us think and be creative. This is why, though we may order any outcome we desire, we listen.