Life happens

I was a new assistant manager and one thing went wrong, then another, then another. My manager called in from his vacation, and when I explained with some distress all that was going on, he laughed and said “trial by fire”.

A long time ago I learned to juggle many responsibilities.  But juggling responsibilities is a lot like the story I tell that explains why I don’t let a lot of people into my life.

There once was a woman who had a cat and when she came home at night she and the cat were very cozy and happy together.  Then the cat had kittens and she couldn’t part with them all and kept a few.  Each kitten became a cat and each competed for time with her with varying degrees of success, and from that time on she was never as close to her cat as she once was.

The truth is that we have a finite amount of time to give and each thing we devote time to takes more of that time away.  So it is with responsibilities.

Now I have been just keeping up with all of my responsibilities, devoting just enough time to the people around me, and my endeavors, and my work, but all of these have placed enormous burdens on me recently and all at the same time and its a little overwhelming.

I am not complaining, just observing and perhaps writing it down to acknowledge it.  There is entirely too much shit going on in my life right now and its becoming increasingly hard to devote the amount of time I should to each area of responsibility.  Failure, as you can well imagine is not an option I want, but neither will I invest undue emotions into a failure.  I’ve got the right perspective.  So what DO I want?  I think I just need to ask the universe to back off just a bit.  Or not.  Everything that is happening is part of a shaping that could be wonderful for my relations, and endeavors and work.  Sigh.

I guess what is hardest is that to everyone around me, I project confidence.  I want these things to move forward and succeed.  To facilitate that, I need to find the time, make things happen, stay on top of my game, and keep everyone else engaged and positive at the same time.  Nothing to do but suck it up, and get it done.

If you want to hear God laugh, tell him your plans ~ Sno quote

Nearly done writing this and what have I learned?  My muse says to lighten my heart, and enjoy the ride.  OK!  I can do that.  But I may need to come back and reread this later.  If I’ve learned anything over the years, its how easy it is to forget, how easy it is to let go of your burdens.  Now to go be someone’s great day!




Collars, then and now

I’ve been asked to do my workshop, “Collaring from the heart” and so collars have been on my mind.  Funny how when you hold a thought in your head, other things start to connect to it.

I was listening to a NYC area financial planner talk about scams that are made on the elderly and he said: “The elderly are especially vulnerable to scams because they were not brought up the way we were.”  He went on to say that: “When a scammer calls we don’t have a problem being rude and hanging up on them but our Grand Parents were taught to not be rude, even to a stranger.  This puts them at disadvantage, one we don’t have.”

So the words of planner rolled around in my head and I realized that this fundamental truth: “Many of us were NOT raised with our grand parents sense of respect”. This has implications all through the lifestyle, not the least of which is seen in the first traditional collar, the “collar of consideration”.

The “collar of consideration” marks a slave.  They are not quite in training yet, but they also are off the market so to speak.  If a slave is wearing a “collar of consideration”,  Dominants should know that they should NOT make advances, or solicit the slave for service. But these kinds of advances are rampant all over the internet, and even in a dungeon, it isn’t always common knowledge to not touch someone’s property.

The “collar of consideration” is I think, a throw back to a time when we were less about who we could “get over on”, and how much we can “take”.  It’s a gentile notion I think, that a slave could be neither in training nor fully owned and yet could have their choice of who they want to serve be publicly displayed and that choice be respected.

I have long taught that respect is a reflection of who we are, not of the person we give it to.  It demonstrates OUR character, not theirs. I often say we should show respect until a person looses it, to show our OWN quality of character.  I find it sad that I do not observe nearly enough understanding of that principle.  I think our Grand Parents understood this.

Maybe it is because of our upbringing or maybe we are just experiencing a bigger melting pot of cultures from all over the world.  As a society, somehow being politically correct makes it OK to be rude to others, because they “deserve it”.   I am not sure if we are really moving forward.  We don’t do as much from the heart, and I am thinking: that isn’t really an improvement.

The gift of the Magi

If you are not familiar with “The gift of the magi”, a husband and wife each sell something precious they own, to buy something for the other, only to realize the gift they gave is designed to go with the thing the other sold.  So now each as a gift, that goes with the thing they sold. Its an ironic twist that hopefully teaches us laugh off the loss of possessions, and hold tight to what really matters: each other.

Tonight my slave got back something precious she lost, a small bit of jewelry that has special significance.  She thought she lost it at a munch last month, but it was found and held for me until this month’s munch.  It was and has been my intention to use this as a training tool.  Tonight at the munch I sent her to the car on an errand and it was slipped back to me, unbeknownst to her.

Have I mentioned she’s shy?  Humiliation is a hard limit.  It tears her up.  So in front of our friends and acquaintances, I had her recite her daily appreciation ritual.

“Ask!”, I said and she replied.  “May this slave serve the Master she loves and chooses?”.  I took her hand, placed the jewelry in her hand, and said: “Master’s pleasure to take possession”  and “Offer the gift of my domination”.   Her discomfort at being put on the spot in front of others was lessened quite a bit by the return of the trinket.

I thought the appreciation ritual worked beautifully into the conclusion of the jewelry’s return.  Also, I was pleased that the ritual provided her with practice while lessening her discomfort.  I plan to do it in front of larger audiences, in workshops and other dungeon events, so this practice was useful to me. So concludes the training opportunity I made of this apparent loss.  I think we accomplished quite a bit of training in trust, happiness, obedience,  and public displays.

I took the opportunity on the drive home to once again discuss the point that we must place our happiness in things that can’t be lost.. the uncommon currency of our lives, of appreciations for each other.

The irony of any slave and Master relation is that the slave often feels unworthy of the love, care, and attention an Owner will lavish upon a slave.  She should feel this way at times.  She is after all in service to an outstanding Dominant.  “We’re not worthy” is more than just a humorous line from a movie, its a real thing.  What slave’s need to understand however is that judging if they are worthy is just one more of those things that needs to given to the Master.  It’s just one more thing to let go of and entrust.  It’s OK if these doubts creep into your mind.  You wouldn’t be a slave if you didn’t have them.  But you need to let your Owner know they exist so that your Master can put your fears at ease.

The really odd thing is, that these gifts are very much like the irony of “The  gift of the Magi”.  Master’s too, sometimes look at the service they receive and question the equity of the exchange, and wonder if their Mastery is appreciated.  Not that a strong willed and intelligent Owner would voice such concerns to their slave, but we too have our doubts that something so wonderful can be real.  What we need but wont ask for is assurance that our Mastery is appreciated.  Hmmm most times. One Domme I know had a protocol that required she be told once a day,  “you are beautiful”.  Still, unsolicited appreciation is always so much nicer – Don’t you think?.  These and other thoughts raced around my mind as she placed her head on my shoulder and we fell silent.

Its an amazing, wonderful, strange, and beautiful life we have I thought as we drove home.  I am blessed for it.   Carpe Diem!   Go get some, my friends.


Doms don’t cry

You slaves out there are in for a rare treat tonight.  I am going to share with you some insights, a view into things an experienced Dominant won’t usually reveal.

A worthy Dominant will do things for their slave, that the slave is never aware of.  We know our sacred role is to protect you and shelter you, and make easy for you the road ahead.  We know that we must remove from you, the burdens of decision making, and leave for you a simple and happy life as an extension of our will.  We seek your happiness believing that you understand our gift, and that we can help you help yourself by leading you to the joy of service, the satisfaction of honest labor, and the knowledge that uncommon currency creates our equitable exchange.

Now towards that end, it is important that we stay strong leaders.  But our slaves often become more than pets, we can come to love you above all else, and see the power that we demonstrate through your dedication as indistinguishable from ourselves.  Often, when we have done our jobs well, we are no longer needed.  The things we see in our slaves lives that could be better, we fix.  We change our slaves, making them more confident, more able and we often do so at our own peril, because this often means our slaves will leave us.

Maybe a slave leaves because other owners see the value we have created and court the slave.  Or maybe there was low self esteem that no longer exists.  Or maybe we were just an exciting experiment.   What ever the reason, when a slave exercises their power of consent and asks to have the Master’s collar removed, it can be more than incredibly painful, it can be destructive to the image we have created of ourselves.  Its good for slaves and owners to remember that their value is not demonstrated by a relation, but instead by what we bring to a relation.

Now the pain works both ways – but when a Master is abandoned,  they cannot beg and crawl and ask the slave to take them back.  Slaves do not take owners.  Owners take slaves.  NO, no, no!  No matter what is going on inside, no matter how our guts are being torn apart we must stay true to our sacred role.  An experienced Dominant knows that if a slave can not see the value of their gift.. to Dominate and control, then that person is not really the slave for us.  We know that a real slave craves Domination, and values this and that we have a gift in this regard.  We MUST not reverse that power dynamic and be the one to beg.

So like the phoenix we burn up inside, dying a silent death while we still struggle to project the fire that we know ourselves to be capable of.  We put on a brave face that deep down we know we no longer feel.. and we feel a bit like a faker for it.  We all come at some point to the pinnacle of doubt where faith in ourselves is tested and if we are strong, just like the phoenix we can be reborn.  This is not unique to owners. Slaves often face this moment of self doubt too, when they question their value.

But an owner has few places to turn to unburden themselves.  “Its lonely at the top” hints at this.  I know the image of being a Dominant and owner sound glorious, but the truth is, if you do this for long enough you will know the pain of which I speak.  I have faced my own resurrection, been through the fire and it no longer touches me.  Not because I have put up walls.  No boundaries should exist between my slave and I.  No, it no longer touches me because I have become the man that can take the burden, what ever it may be, to uphold my sacred role.  I believe what I preach. If my slave does not need my gift, then I will no longer see her as worthy.  This is not a place some owners and slaves you know, may be capable of, yet.

The last thing an owner should would want is pity.  It’s hardly in keeping with the role of a strong, leader.  Just know that sometimes the confidence that an owner projects may hide a pain we can not show.  That no matter how much we may desire a slave’s return, our beliefs prevent us from begging.  That no matter what the personal pain, we will endure to be the Master that some slave can appreciate.  And in time, we will appreciate that we found that strength in  ourselves, to be the kind of owner that is appreciated.