A slave has THREE choices – draft two

Note, this is cross published from my Dominant support group in Fetlife which can be seen here.  (You will need a Fetlife account to view)

Also, the FINAL DRAFT can be found here:
A slave has three responsibilities
A slave has three areas of choice

When I first proposed that a slave has three choices, I was formulating an idea that has been solidifying from years of thought.  I have no power to make this a standard throughout our communities and fully expect to be rebuffed.  I am OK with being at odds with traditional standards.  I don’t think of this so much as a destruction of tradition, as a refinement to incorporate consent.  Tradition in an effort to be real slavery, acknowledges consent but only grudgingly as that thing we don’t need to talk about.  That being said, these ideas are arrived at through years of study and deliberation, and are at least worth consideration.  I present here now, draft two.

THE DREAM, UNSHATTERED
It has long been the dream of many a CNC or TPE relation, to see a slave as having but one choice – the Owner they serve.  I propose that there are three choices.  Let’s examine why.  To do so, I must first propose that a slave has three responsibilities, not one.  For consideration, these are the traditional responsibilities and choices:


THE TRADITION
Responsibilities – A slave has one responsibility, to protect the property.  This comes before all commands.

Choices – A slave has one choice.  The Owner they desire to serve.  If offered the gift of Domination, the slave will defer all decisions to the Owner they serve.


New, by Xtac
THE THREE RESPONSIBILITIES OF A SLAVE

1) Ethics – A consensual slave will do what is required by their personal ethics at all times.

2) Property – A consensual slave will protect the property that is themselves, and the property of the Owner, as long as this protection is not in conflict with responsibility one.

3) Submission- A consensual slave will obey all commands of their Owner, as long as the orders are not in conflict with responsibility one or two.


New, by Xtac
THE THREE CHOICES OF A SLAVE

1) Owner – A consensual slave will choose wisely a owner.  Once this choice is made the consensual slave will make known their desire to serve, requesting the gift of Domination.

2) Responsible Obedience- A consensual slave will choose to obey.  If a consensual slave determines the owners commands are in conflict with their first two responsibilities, they will choose to disobey.

3) Consent – A consensual slave may choose to exercise the power of consent, knowing that any time the power of consent is exercised, may be the last time they do so as an  slave of that owner.



A DEEPER DIVE INTO THE DETAILS OF RESPONSIBILITIES

RESPONSIBILITY ONE, ETHICS
In a perfect world, we would like to think that a slave can be completely free of responsibility.  Certainly as Owners we try to fulfill that desire.  But it is recognized in some studies that if all responsibility is removed, ethical fiber degrades.  It is therefore important that we place the burden of ethical responsibility on a slave.  A slave for example should not steal if ordered to.  It is important to note that the key word here is ethics, not morals.  Because ethics may limit an Owners control, it is important to come to an understanding of ethics before offering a final collar.

RESPONSIBILITY TWO, PROPERTY
We often say the slaves number one responsibility is to protect the property.  The truth is, a slave may damage the property that is themselves in order to uphold their ethics. Risk to the property may at times be necessary to uphold ethics.  A slave may push a child out of the way of a vehicle, risking injury and death, to uphold the values and ethics they hold.  It would be in poor form, for a slave to be damaged in the course of performing some noble act, and then chastised for that damage.  Certainly a slave should expect a full review of their decisions, and perhaps even disagreement resulting in punishment, but the slave must none-the-less take responsibility for the property, even if it may be in conflict with the owner.  If the owner orders that a body part be cut off, the slave has a clear responsibility to resist until the Owner is returned to a more sane state of mind.

RESPONSIBILITY THREE, COMMANDS
If a slave is offered the gift of Domination, they will obey with all grace, humility, and submission they possess; striving to exchange all power to the Master they serve, giving their will into the control of that Master, with as little reservation and resistance as they can muster.  The owner will decide what they are worthy of.  The slave will make no judgement regarding what the Owner wants or does not want.  They will trust the judgements and orders in so much as these orders are not in conflict with their ethics or responsibility to protect the property.


A DEEPER DIVE INTO THE DETAILS OF CHOICES
CHOICE ONE,  THE OWNER
No choice that a slave can make is more important than the Owner they would serve.  If the owner you serve decides to try cutting and scarification, you had better be ready to be a slave and stand by your one choice.   A slave should therefore go through the three collars, and with each one understand better the commitment they are entering into.  A final collar should only be accepted if total obedience is to be agreed to.  Things like hard limits and ethics must be discussed.

CHOICE TWO,  RESPONSIBLE OBEDIENCE
The owner may not always be right (gasp).  Or an Owner may test the slave to make sure that the slave is still acting responsibly with regards to the property and ethics.  If a slave has chosen the Owner wisely, these things should not come up.  A good owner will not damage the property, nor give an unethical order, and will understand an objection based on ethics and property protection.

As a side note, an interesting test arose some time ago.  A slave was given an order which if followed exactly would have resulted in damage to valuable assets.  This created a conflict between the slaves need to obey exactly, and the desire to protect the valued assets of the owner.  Understand that by assets, I don’t mean the body of the slave but instead physical assets worth thousands of dollars.  This as you might imagine caused considerable distress.  The way an owner might review the judgement of the slave in this situation could go either way.  One Owner might place a higher value on compliance, while another Owner might place a higher value on the assets.

It is not always clear if the right to exercise the power of responsible obedience will be a good thing or not.  Certainly it might put the slave in conflict with the Owner they serve, and that is never a good feeling.

CHOICE THREE, CONSENT
A slave should first and foremost be able to fulfill the wants of the Owner.  An Owner should see to the needs of the slave.  Needs are not always just food, shelter, and clothing.  Sometimes as we know, needs run deeper.  A need may also be a gender or role based.  A slave may need sex, or pain.  In the order of priorities, the needs of the slave come before the Owner, but the wants of the Owner come before the slave.

It is important therefore during initial consideration of a relation, to discuss needs and wants.  Since this is consensual slavery, the goal is mutual happiness.  The question then becomes, will the slave need to invoke the power of consent to achieve happiness, knowing that each time may be the last time as slave of this Owner.

With consent comes the question, are you the slave that best fulfills what the Owner wants.  This is a question whose answer belongs to the Owner.  The Owner will make that decision.  The slave must however consider before exercising the power of consent, if that will lead to the gift of Domination being withdrawn.

A slave may use the power of consent to withdraw from service, and request that the collar be removed.  If the master refuses to remove the collar, there are ways this can still be done, but a slave should not remove the Master’s collar.  A slave who entertains this request should be careful to do so only if the Owner has repeatedly and without repent, issued commands that violate the slaves hard limits, or their responsibilities to ethics and property.   A slave should never attempt to with draw from service by deciding for the Owner if they are worthy of the gift of Domination.


SUMMARY
You can see where I screwed up in draft one.  I failed to take into account that a slave may feel so unworthy of the gift of Domination, that they attempt to withdraw from service.  This can not be allowed, as it is important for the Dominant to impress on such persons that the Dominant decides their worthiness.

One more point.  I could never have seen my mistakes if I had not been to a support group the other night and been among my own kind.  People who write in a vacuum will always be wrong.  I can not stress strongly enough the importance of community involvement, and support groups.  You have to get out, to make it real.

That said, in this draft, I am getting closer to tradition, but done what I set out to.. to incorporate the value of consent into tradition.  I’ll let this stand for a awhile, and see if I find any more holes.

A BDSM central authority (and sleep)

One question that came up the other night was.. If you had the magical power to change one thing about BDSM,  in general, what would that change be?

That conversation wandered about, and one person jokingly said that persons that were assholes would glow in the dark so we could keep better eye on them.  Well that degenerated into which asshole would glow, meaning the whole body or just that certain part and everyone had a good chuckle.

I need to pause here to mention that what happens in these support groups are very confidential.  What I am sharing here will contain no names and no hints.  What I am sharing is a glimpse into how the discussion can go, and to continue the discussion on topics that are worthy of further, broader discussion.

Keep in mind this was an exercise in fantasy.  No one has this magical power, so the possible changes can be endless.   One suggestion was learners permits. That lead to a discussion of what education would be mandatory for the permit.

For this question, an old subject emerged.  How many times have we discussed definitions?  It can be hard to reach a negotiated understanding about say “proper dungeon etiquette” when something as simple as consent is still open to debate.  “No means no” is one form of consent which can result in inappropriate touching before the “no!” is issued.  Endlessly we debate what the words mean.  We ask others to explain how these words identify us and others, and what we do.  Some reject words all together, calling them labels, as if that brings clarity.

More and more the conversation began to coalesce around the need for a central way of exchanging ideas. We really do live in the tower of babble.  The conversation however was going into what I would consider to be potentially dangerous territory.  Not because having a “Websters dictionary for BDSM” or a “BDSM central authority”, wouldn’t have value – They would.

The problem with establishing a common core is a problem that I observe constantly in the structures of power all around us.  This is the topic I wish to think about.  The topic of bringing all BDSM terms and concepts into a standard that everyone understands, even if they don’t agree.

Why is it that even today, we want to elect kings?  Oh, I don’t mean a king in title, but we all find our place in society and then we look to others to be smarter, more wise, and more charismatic.  We look for those kinds of people to lead us.  Certainly there are almost always people who come to solutions faster than we do.  Certainly there are always people who bring wisdom to the table that we had not previously considered. I am grinning here.  Some would manage such people, while others would be lead by such people.  If you’ve ever managed someone smarter than yourself, you know that you had better be a damn good manager.

The problem with persons who do have great wisdom and knowledge is that they reach a point where they know so much, that they realize they don’t know anything.  Put another way, their brilliance has lead them to a place of humility tempered by confidence in the value of their council.  But that does not make such people indispensable.

We should all seek council.  Nor should we necessarily choose our council wisely.  “Out of the mouth of babes” is a phrase that tells us that if we are open to hear and think, often great council comes from unexpected places.  What we need to seek from council are new, previously unconsidered options.

I am building up to a point.  If we call for a central authority but great council comes from unexpected places, and if we call for the best leaders but the most brilliant among us has too much humility to prostitute themselves, we are left with the election of kings.  Our goals may be noble but it is the worst elements that will win the challenge to be on top of the power structure that is created.  If you don’t think politics is a dirty game, you have no real idea what is going on.  Elections do not guarantee consent by the governed.  As Joseph Stalin said, “it doesn’t matter how people vote, what matters is who counts the votes”.  I would add, “where propaganda and public perception is controlled, there too, voting doesn’t really matter.”

We all want to believe that our greatest leaders were driven by a sense to serve, and had motives that were purely altruistic.  I think otherwise.  Even at the lowest levels, take police for example,  I suspect that for most police their creed – “to protect and serve”  has long been replaced by other motivations.

I am instantly suspicious of any person that seeks real power, power that cannot be contested, because I believe their personal motivations are far from  altruistic ~ Xtac quote

What I am leading up to is that just like politics, each person who comes into power, regardless of what power structure we are speaking of, will seek to put their mark on things.  Each person needs to carve out their place in history.  People who stay true to an altruistic vision are often pushed aside by lesser people.  Power climbers will do things that are best for their legacy, rather than what is best for the goal that was set for the organization.  To be sure, power climbers know that what is best for their organization, is best for them.  But these are calculating people and if a situation arises that furthers their ambitions, but is counter to the organizations objectives, they will seek to change the objectives rather than give up their ambitions.   Organizations often end up with internal conflict because of the struggles between the grab for power, and the desire to hold onto a clear and altruistic vision.

I am not saying that I have all the answers.  I know too much to say I know that I have the answers.  Nor am I the sort to grab for power.  I am too firmly grounded in my belief in the power of consent.   I won’t even require those around me to call me Master X.  I leave that decision to those I am associated with.  Those who do honor me with that title, I appreciate deeply.  I am no fool though.  I know that a part of me craves that recognition, and the weight my council carries with such recognition.


No doubt that for some, this has been a boring blog so far. Hope I didn’t put you to sleep.  If you have gotten this far, let me liven things up a bit with a bit of personal things, which actually do center around the subject of sleep.

Can’t live with em, can’t live without em.  Its a bit of humor from our friends in love-hate relations.  Strange that I don’t hear this said in the community.  I told my slave that she has a similar problem, but with a little twist.

Can’t sleep with em, can’t sleep without em.  That will take some explanation. I left her at home to go to the support group because she needed her sleep.  But then because I wasn’t there she couldn’t sleep.  When you tie yourself to a whirlwind, someone who is constantly going and going, then you tied yourself to their curious sleep habits.  I will often get up at odd hours to write, or work.  So she can’t sleep  “with me” because I am often going when she needs rest.  By the same token she can’t sleep without me.  She has the most endearing quality of not sleeping well unless I am with her.

A curious power.  I have a curious control over my slave.  Things I shouldn’t be able to control, I can.  So when I called late and found out she was still awake, I ordered her to sleep.  I didn’t give it another thought.  I am used to giving an order and just like that, what was not possible, now is.  My control extends into areas I would say normally only exist for a hypnotist.  So I fully expected her to fall straight to sleep after I hung up.  Her voice had already changed from bright to drowsy.

I found out later that she did not get to sleep right away. I know with certainty that she would have slept if I had been there.  The difference is that in person I can tell if I need to add more energy to the command. In person, I can tell more accurately if the command is received.  Interesting.  I will need to work on this.

 

 

DasT, like MasT, only better

Tonight was the Dom/sub round table at Feel Me Breath.  Think of it like a MasT meeting.  Its a round table of Masters and slaves together on equal footing.  There are index cards, and questions go in to a bucket to be answered.  In this forum, you get every perspective.

The meeting typically runs rather late, and my slave needed to be up for work at 4:30, so I left her home. Not something I wanted, but she needs her rest, so I had to make the call to give up her company for this evening.  Her need trumps my want.  Not that she would have participated much anyway.  In group settings she is very shy.  Still, I miss  when she is not at my feet.

I love being in the company of my people. The ones that understand me, even if they don’t always agree.  I can be a bit radical at times.  At one point in the evening I declared that all nilla relations are fundamentally flawed because the core of their relation is the utopian concept of complete equality.  That drew some interesting objections and counter-arguments.  You need to know that at times I poke the bear, just to see what kind of howls I’ll get.

Tomorrow is a Fem-Domme day.  Towards the end of the meeting, a gaggle of male slaves who had been training upstairs, came down and provided a demonstration of their skills in protocol.  That was nice.  I always enjoy seeing a slave learn protocol, or better yet, demonstrate it well.

As we prepared to leave, a very shy male submissive was offered the opportunity to serve at the side of a rather skilled and experienced Domme tomorrow and they expressed the concern that they would be wasting the Domme’s time.  Definitely the wrong response.  If a Dominant has offered the gift of their Domination, you accept with gracious thanks and without questioning if they know what they are doing.  It turned into an education opportunity.

In the parking lot later, I had a pleasant conversation with a Domme.  We lingered for a while in the dark, each not quite ready to leave, still with things that we want to say and share.  It was quite nice.  As I say.  These are my people and its good to be among my own kind.  It drove home with the warm afterglow of delicious interactions.  Life is good.

 

 

 

 

 

Good girl

Tonight my slave made the meal she wanted to last night.  She had been planning this for some time, but added too much milk to the batter yesterday, and had to scrap the project.  Tonight she got it right.  The poor thing also burned herself.  I put fire on her all the time..she’s a bit of a fire slut.. but I’ve never burn her.  I do fire play, and have given workshops on it, and she loves to feel the heat of fire play.  This was not however, a good heat.

But she finished the meal preparation, and prepared to serve in normal high protocol fashion, which involves bowing with the plate in one hand.  It was with the burned hand, that she held the plate as she prepared my portion.  I watched from across the room as she balanced and loaded the plate.  I noticed that it touched her wrist, and was supported on the other end by her third, fourth, and pinky fingers.  Her burned index finger was bent down, not touching.  She adapted, while meeting the requirement without complaint.  I noticed and wondered what difficulty it would present in the bow.  I watched, and observed with keen interest as she served, and held her pose.  I took the plate, not savoring as I often do her submission.  I wanted to kiss the wounded finger  but considered the sterility of the choice.  Plus she had lathered it with lotion.  I derive great pleasure watching her preform service and tonight I was especially impressed, and pleased. While she does live for her “good girl” compliments, this evening, it was in my estimation not enough simply to tell her.  Something she said tonight sparked a thought.

I am telling you all this for two reasons.  First, because the reason I write and the reason you probably read, is to get such a glimpse into our dynamic, and this drama tonight was definitely a good glimpse into our Master/slave dynamic.  The second reason is that by telling you what a good girl she was tonight, she is getting a very public recognition for her outstanding slave behavior.  I think she deserves that, and I know a thing or two about her “buttons”.  This will please her.

So, dear friends and readers its just another simple night of dinner and tv for a guy who just happens to own property,  property that is a living-breathing person. This is for you my pet..Master’s pleasure to take possession & And give the gift of my Domination.. Master is very pleased.

Uncontested control.

I find that I am pleased by this term.. uncontested control.  Just as I am very displeased to have my control contested.

There was a time that, when my slave exercised her power of consent and contested by administration, I would become angry.  I no longer allow myself to feel that way.  I am working on the edges of something I don’t quite know how to say.  There are times when you know that you feel something strongly, and you know that if you go with that feeling it will only make things worse.  In your lifetime I am sure there have been moments where you were very intense and expressed that intensity and things got worse.. perhaps much worse.

So it is with Mastery.  Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to step back and show patience and love and wisdom.  I am pleased to say that in the years that I have worked to become a great Dominant, I’ve trained myself to not react.   When my control is contested, I am amused.  I realize now that my will is indomitable.  I will have my way.  Not by force, though certainly consensual rough play is fun, no, I will have my way because I have become the Dominant that a slave needs.

If you are just starting out, you can not appreciated how much of the nilla way of thinking you must scrape off yourself.  The whole equality, politically correct, gay rights, race baiting, correct thinking is all fine as far as it goes but all of this leads to a sense of correctness that is often fundamentally flawed.  Power is natural and we all seek our place in these natural structures of power all around us.  Much of the activism we choose to become involved in,  interests us because we believe in personal dignity and freedom of self identity.  But these are also ideas that are often associated with principles of equality without the regard for the power of consent.  There is some serious thinking you have to do, and training you have to finish, both as a slave and an owner, before your mindset begins to align with right thinking, from a broader view of power, consent and relations. You will find yourself discarding many ideas that might have gone unnoticed and unchallenged, before they came between you, your partner, and your mutual happiness.

My first objective for my slave and I is happiness.  I also seek uncontested control, because I desire a CNC or TPE relation.  It pleases me constantly, how deeper this goes with every day.

 

 

I am a temporary tatto artist

I was updating my  Disqus account and under Biography and I entered this:

Master, consensual property owner, and temporary tattoo artist

The temporary tattoo artist requires explanation. To explain that, I am essentially re-posting an explanation from my Fetlife writings.  That being said, this is exactly why I refer to myself as such.

It seems like only yesterday when Full Spectrum, a wonderful club in Connecticut was just the latest in a long string of clubs and events to get raided.  Just one more victim of a legal system that sees BDSM as deviance or sex or both. The legal hurdles of being a sadist and a BDSM practitioner are significant. NCSF or the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom tells us that in the land of the free and the home of the brave, to date, there is not a single appellate court decision anywhere in this country that has accepted consent as a defense in an assault or abuse prosecution arising from BDSM conduct. Though consent is exactly the element that makes it possible to for love and power to coexist, we have not sufficiently evolved as a society to appreciate this truth.   That is why, I have decided I will no longer be a sadist!

No my friends, this was the moment in time when I decided that henceforth, I will refer to myself as a temporary tattoo artist! It is my intention to produce exquisite artistic expressions in flesh using only leather straps, wooden paddles, and knives. As part of my artistic expression, I will create art in flesh, just as any tattoo artist does, however my form of creative expression unlike work done with needles or ink is temporary.

I invite you to appreciate my message, that screams to the beholder a deeper message in fleeting abstract expression. My form of creativity is meant to convey to the onlooker, and the arts proud owner, the transient and fragile nature of human existence, and the pain that experience can transcend. This is not BDSM, or abuse, no! This is a new form of tattoos, one that gives its owner the opportunity to endlessly explore new pieces of work, without having to resort to the expense of medical procedures to remove the art. This art form affords endless opportunities, like a beautiful sky to create an ever changing canvas of art work.

While others join groups like NCSF, and work to push forward the understanding that consent counts, I will forgo all of that in favor of my new favorite pastime.. creating living works of art!

 

 

 

The Power of consent

I came across an interesting quote in a blog by Isabellalecour :

” Where love rules, there is no will to power; and where power predominates, there love is lacking. The one is the shadow of the other. ” -Carl Jung

It caused me, as these things do, to spend quite a bit of time reflecting on this.  If you have seen the rather long and detailed treatise on power in my Fetlife profile writings, you know how much thought I’ve given to this subject.  If you are reading this treatise for the first time, you will find that I’ve added the above quote to it.

What Carl Jung is speaking of, is the grasping reach for power that has no consent.  The greater a persons ambition and reach without consent, the less love and empathy such a person can hold for others.  In this, Carl is correct.

But in BDSM we propose the exchange of power by consent.  With this, love can and does flourish.  The power to dominate becomes an expression of love.  Its a fine distinction, but consent is one of the most fundamental pinning foundations that turns power towards good and away from evil.

I am going off topic for a paragraph, but lets talk about politics.  In an ideal world you would consent to be governed.  If you could not abide the laws where you lived, you would move.  The more centralized the government becomes, the less access you have to such choices.  Better yet, the government should not dictate your life at all.  You should be free to live your life as you please, and the government wouldn’t tell you how to live, it would simply exist to protect your right to live free.  Oh well, politics is a nasty business bound to make enemies, but my main point is that the less rights we have regarding our submission to power and authority, the more likely that system becomes evil.

Take the struggle for gender equality.  To my mind, the lowest evolution of society starts with a male dominated society.  From there, the next rung of societal evolution is gender equality.  But gender equality is not the highest form.  The highest form is when we walk in as equals, and have the freedom to consent to an exchange of power.  Women may choose to submit to another without being labeled as traitor to women’s equality.  Men may choose to submit to another without being labeled as “less than a man’s man”.  Gender equality allows men to be submissive without shame.  Or at least it should.  Equality with recognition of consent is the highest form of social evolution.

Consent goes beyond merely being the right thing to do.  It is a pivotal thing.  I sets out the course of our natural inclination to become part of a power structure.  When we shift from “no means no”, to “yes means yes”, we are starting down a cultural revolution in which we drop the last vestiges of  a society that takes what it desires by force.

My last blog was regarding the three choices of a slave. It ties back into these thoughts.  They tend to come full circle.  How does the Carl Jung quote and my thoughts on it have practical application to myself and my slave?  It means that I understand more deeply than ever that if we are to create mutual happiness, the absolute first and foremost factor is consent.  To obtain that consent, I must be worthy.  I must be honest, direct, thoughtful, and firm in my application of the gift that is my domination, and do so in a framework that supports consent at all times.   We give up nothing by insisting on consent, and adherence to our sacred role.  Rather I would say, time and time again I have seen consent make better my slaves appreciation.

 

The care and feeding of a slave

The responsible slave owner puts the needs of their slave ahead of all other priorities. You wouldn’t lock a dog in a room for a week while you go on vacation.  You would find someone to care for your pet in your absence.  In the same way, a responsible owner sees to the care of their slave.  Quite simply, it can be stated in this simple priorities list.

 


Master and slave priorities

  1. Slave’s needs
  2. Master’s needs
  3. Master’s wants
  4. Slave’s wants

 

The notion is that a responsible Master would, if it came down to a choice between there need and the needs of their slave, make the sacrifice and put their slave’s needs first.  By the same token, we are saying that what the Master wants always comes ahead of the slave’s wants.

This is a somewhat simple and romantic view of slavery to be sure.  Life is never that simple.  We begin to question, what is a “want”?   What is a “need”?  I would argue that swallowing during oral service is a need for me.  I am not willing to have a life partner that would cause me to give that up.  So my want, is a need.

By the same token, if you have a hard limit, I would argue that is also a need.  At some point, a want is so important to us that we are not willing to live with it, or without it, and so it crosses over into being a need.

This is dangerous territory.  If we are to be happy, we need to take responsibility for our own happiness.  We need to seek the happiness that wells up inside of us: the unbearable joy of being.  We need to remove from our perspective the thinking that “things” can MAKE us happy.  Happiness should come from inside us rather than from outside us.  The more demands we make before we will allow ourselves to be happy, the less happy we will be. My point is, the more wants that we see as needs, the more difficult a relation becomes, and the more likely it is that we have made our own happiness unnecessarily complicated.  To be sure, compromise is more often on the side of the slave than the owner but the responsible Master gives serious thought to these compromises and does not stick to an inflexible dogma.

A slave, having placed the power of all decisions into the hands of the Master they serve, must accept with grace these decisions.  A slave may hope that compromise is not always the domain of the slave, that on some things a Master may for the benefit of mutual happiness, compromise themselves. I find however that like the parent that spoils their child, such compromises can go unappreciated, making the child or slave even less responsible for their own happiness.  When a Master compromises for the happiness of their slave, this needs to be a rare and wildly appreciated event, something that Master uses in the training of their slave.

Mutual happiness is the goal.  It deserves thought.  The pursuit of happiness is a worthy goal, and the pursuit of mutual happiness an honorable and noble quest.  If you are a Master, or a slave, time spent considering your wants and needs and adjusting them to achieve a more perfect union of wills, a condition in which all objections are overcome and mutual happiness assured, is time well spent.

It makes me smile when I think of my slave, of her trust in my leadership, her willingness to accept with grace and happiness the decisions I make.  It surprises me sometimes when I require of her something that I know will challenge her happiness and yet I find that she has accepted.  It surprises and fills me with a kind of joy that is infectious.  Odd, that the thing I knew would challenger her became a source of happiness for us both.   Life as a caring, thinking Master is complicated.  I hope that as complex as my thoughts regarding this is, that my slave’s life is simple.  I hope that for all my thought and effort, she gets to live a simple life, feeling deeply the gift of my domination.  Ultimately, I do not want her to struggle with decisions, or to have doubts and concerns. I want her unburdened.   I will handle all that.  It is my hope that my gift provides the structure to keep her happy, safe, and feeling protected, in a life of simple pleasures.

 

The sexual side of submission

Come bitch tigress,  Sacrifice to me,  Your virgin reputation, Set the sex beast free.  You cat in crouching, waiting, to claw my muscled body lean, lick your lips and purr the words, ride the raging beast obscene.

Ahhh, wetness, and hardness.  The electricity in touch.  A handful of hair.  A rough shove against a wall, or over  a table.  The sly grin, where others fear.  Closed eyes at penetration, and the shuddering release of breath, as if we might gasp our last breath in this spiritual release. The warm, wet release of orgasm, of body fluid bonding.

Feeling the animal inside, the hunger and fear of what it might consume and yet not caring.  To take and be taken, to claim roughly without apology.  I beat my slave and yet she loves me all the more.  I make her into a cock sucking slut, force her to her knees, degrade her in ways that would cause a lesser woman to run from me, and yet she comes crawling back for more, to collapse warm and safe in my arms.

This primal urge is from the dawn of our existence.  Full of muscle and sex, it strips away our polite facade. We become beasts, stalking, hunted, hearts pounding, chasing some glorious thrill that fades so quickly, leaving only a face before ours, beaming with new softness and affection.  Perhaps we must destroy to renew.

Submission and slavery need not be about sex.  But often it is. In a dungeon, a slave may walk by naked, her firm body delightful to the eye, and yet it is the word “Sir”, whispered is soft submissive tones that makes me hard.  When the McDonald’s driveup girl says “yes Sir” its amusing to me because for me this carries so much more than simple politeness.  “Sir” can cause amusing moments of hardness.

Control, a hand on a throat, a handful of hair, a hard, wet, rough fuck. Yeah, sex and Domination go well together.  But sex is not the objective, it is the pleasure that comes with submission.  So eager are we often to get to sex, that we miss the mind, that wonderful fountain of nasty naughtiness.. where it all begins.

 

 

 

 

A slave has THREE choices

This is old and replace by this >  DRAFT TWO.  Why not delete this one then?  I think it helps see that this concept when through an evolution, that I didn’t just arrive at this and declare it.  That through conversation, feedback, and thought, I arrived at the thoughts in draft two.  I believe in the principles of transparency, when and where appropriate.  This seems appropriate.




.

I often say that a true slave makes only one choice, the Master they will serve. Its the idealized romantic view, the fantasy we all want so desperately to believe in.  The truth is, a slave has three choices.  Each is perhaps, less appealing.

The curious thing about consensual slavery is that it really is a fantasy, a role playing game that we adhere to so scrupulously, that it is barely noticeable to be consensual. When you live it, it seems real.  But make no mistake, the real slaves are the unfortunate victims of human trafficking.  There is no comparison between what we do, and real, unconsensual slavery.  Any consensual slave (who is not in service to a closet case domestic abuser) is in reality playing an elaborate role made real by the need we have to live in a power exchange relation. I find it distasteful to call my dynamic a role play, but acknowledge this as essential to maintaining a firm grip on our legal and practical reality.

And that brings us to the three choices.


The first choice is the Master they  wish to serve.  This is the dreamy, wonderful choice. With this choice made, the consensual slave offers their service with all grace, humility, and submission they possess; striving to exchange all power to the Master they serve, giving their will into the control of that Master, with as little reservation and resistance as they can muster.  This is the dream.  It lets us taste the unbridled passion and lust we feel when power and Mastery take control.

If a slave is lucky, the Master they choose will offer the gift of Domination.  Since it all begins between the ears, the Skilled Master knows to control the mind of the slave, not the body, bringing into being a delicious state of give and take.

But the the one choice is a two edge sword whose cut is unpredictable.  It is not enough to choose.  We must ever appreciate our roles, both Master and slave.   The wise CNC slave appreciates the gift of Dominance and strives to stay true to their sacred role, even when the day to day mundane vanilla world drags at us.


The second choice is to exercise the power of consent.  Since this is consensual slavery, a slave may from time to time, lapse into a lesser commitment to submission.  Even when the intention is total submission, sometimes vanilla behavior happens.  To be sure, what a Dominant feels during such times are not pleasant.  Often later, after the lapse has passed, what the slave feels is terrible shame.

But this is not a bad thing if we turn such challenges into opportunities.   The reasons why this happens can be many, but times arise when we as human beings are irritable, and not in the mood.  These are times when the skilled Dominant  has lost all consensual control and brings to bear unpleasant behavioral training tools.

To be clear, we are not talking about the tools of a domestic abuser, rather, we are talking about understanding what buttons to push.   Since these times lack consent, the skilled Master holds up a mirror to the slave, asking them to question deeply who and what they really are.  With patience the slave comes to examine what they want and feel.  The skilled Master steers, rather than controls, the mind back to its happy place.

Compromise is often not part of this process. Rather, by  NOT compromising, submission can be driven deeper and therein lies the opportunity: to deepen the bonds of Master and slave.


The third choice is to BE THE SLAVE, MASTER WANTS.   This is the ugly choice we hope to never have to embrace. It is enough for a slave to have their needs met but not so for a Master. A Master must have their wants met. This is key. How could we compromise on that?

Implicit in the third choice is the decision to step aside and make room for a slave who will better serve what Master wants.  When a slave exercises not only their power of consent but resists the Master’s attempt to steer the consensual slave back to the joy of submission, there is a deeper choice the slave is playing with.  The question such times bring into being is..can you really find happiness being the TPE or CNC slave Master wants?  Does your joy come from service and submission, or do you need to hold back some portion of your will?  Does what you need as a slave, conflict with the desires of the Master you serve?

A great slave is often one that simply likes the same things as their owner.  It is the rare slave who is never challenged by a strong willed Master for some thing they find distasteful. Some Masters may even put such challenges before a slave as a test. A slave must then submit, or exercise their power of consent. A skilled Dominant will make this choice easy and in time, cause a change in the slaves feelings about such requests.

In the face of continued and unrepentant lapses of submission however, both the slave and the Master must consider – are they the slave to fulfill Master’s wants? Would Master be happier offering the gift of Domination to someone more pleasing?   In other words, they must consider removing the collar.  Again, the choice of the Master to serve, the first choice, is a two way sword.  One must always choose wisely.


I am a Dominant, but  I will never be a domestic abuser.  My goal is mutual happiness.  But Dominance is also the air I live and breath  If I can not bring my slave back into the fold, back to our consensual slavery agreement, I would ask her to examine her third choice.  Is she the one to please me?

If consent can not be obtained, and I can not achieve mutual happiness, it seems to me fitting to put the third choice into the hands of my slave.. you will comply, or lose me.  Such a terrible thing to say or think.. I hope to utter such a thing -never.  We need to examine ourselves and those we exchange power with.  We need to ask if issues are dealt with in constructive, honorable ways.  We need to examine if the people we choose to bring into our lives are worthy of our trust and devotion.  If you follow the principles of the three collars, (consideration, training, final) you need to examine these questions with each collar that is earned.


I write about this because not too long ago, I was unhappy with the way my orders were executed and I took matters into my own hands.  Now my slave likes to have a certain degree of autonomy over how she executes my orders.  So when I became unhappy, and began to micro-manage, she became unhappy. These are her buttons, and I know them well.  I knew before I started, what reaction I would get. Its all part of reaching the point of uncontested control.

So I said.. you have three choices.  You can honor your first choice and complete my tasks, or you can exercise your right of consent and I will get more involved, or if that is not acceptable we can discuss if you are my kind of slave.

I showed her the three choices.  Its the three choices that every consensual slave has.  Its an ugly comment, but we need to acknowledge these choices.  There are no more choices, no less, at least to my thinking.  How a Master will deal with these choices varies from Master to Master, and what buttons work best with their slave.  If we are aware of these three choices, and deal with them as they arise, we are working in a framework that preserves consent, and forces us to examine both ourselves and our power exchange partners.

My happiness demands a consensual slavery relation.  Without it, I couldn’t continue.  Being a Master is more than a choice for me, its my orientation, the person at the core of my being.  I love owning a consensual slave.  I embrace the constant opportunity to improve my skills of Mastery. I relish challenges, just as I love when she is submissively curled at my feet like a purring kitten. I strive  for both of us to enjoy the glow of that power exchange.  I think, issues aside, with each passing day the canvas on which I create the perfect slave for me become more and more what pleases me most.  I like to think she too is finding greater happiness each day, that is sheltered from the world. A happiness that can always be hers for the choices she makes, in what she chooses to appreciate.  Life is good.