Have a nice day!

Have a nice day!   This is just one of the many platitude people throw at you every day.  There are so many. Since I enjoy being a social sadist from time to time, I love to have fun with these.

Joe! How are you?  Just hand me a loaded gun why don’t you?  Throw this at me and I will insist on telling you in great details how things are.. my bills, my job, my family, my health..  Oh, I’m sorry, you didn’t really want to know?  Then why ask?

Good Morning!  My reply?  Good morning yourself and see how you like it! I might as well have lobsters in my ears, the dumb looks I get.. Its unexpected and the brain refuses to process such things so early in the morning.. but is sounded rude.  Ummmm what did you just say to me?

Cashiers-That will be $37.55 sir.  OK.. its not fair to play with people whose company told them to ask me if I found everything I was looking for, but come on.  I just grin sometimes.  But the dollar amount.. hmmm  I often try to negotiate.. Is that your final offer?  Seems high. Can you come down a bit?  Sometimes an overworked person smiles.

All of that aside, I don’t believe in “having” a nice day.  I am going to make a great freakin day dammit!  Perspective is everything.  Two people can go to a sporting event or theater together and one will love it and one will hate it.  Was it the event or play that “made” a person hate or love it?  No.  Two people, same event, two outcomes.  It was their choice.  We can’t let things “make” us happy or sad, we need to take responsibility for our happiness.  We need to “make” us, not something outside of us, “make us”. I try to never say, that “makes me”.

This is a key I think to great relationships.  Too often we look for someone to complete us, to fill what is missing, to “make” us happy.  No one wants to be with the unhappy person in the corner of the party.  But find your happiness, be the life of the party and suddenly you are surrounded.  Likewise, find a full and complete life, and suddenly people take notice, people are attracted to you that never were before.

Too often, in relationships there is the lover and beloved.  Instead of two people with full lives coming together to make bigger and grander happiness, one eats at the other. The lover sucks their happiness from their beloved, bringing both down in the process eventually.  There is a grand quote from the Ballad of the Sad Cafe that I will tack at the end of this about unrequited love that mentions this.  It is a bit long, but it has thoughts worth mulling.

Where am I going with this?  To one simple point.  Don’t have a nice day, Be someone’s nice day.  Each day that we set out with the intention to be a force for good, to make someone somewhere smile, to be the instrument of someone’s nice day.. well that more or less guarantees your own nice day.  For stypes, you can think of it as service to the universe.  For Dtypes its an opportunity to rise above, to lead people to a better place, and hone your people skills.  And if you have a touch of social sadist in you, well.. comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable.. its all good fun.  Now go, and

Be someone’s nice day!

 

The Ballad of the Sad Café – Carson McCullers – unrequited love

First of all, love is a joint experience between two persons — but the fact that it is a joint experience does not mean that it is a similar experience to the two people involved. There are the lover and the beloved, but these two come from different countries. Often the beloved is only a stimulus for all the stored-up love which had lain quiet within the lover for a long time hitherto. And somehow every lover knows this. He feels in his soul that his love is a solitary thing. He comes to know a new, strange loneliness and it is this knowledge which makes him suffer. So there is only one thing for the lover to do. He must house his love within himself as best he can; he must create for himself a whole new inward world — a world intense and strange, complete in himself. Let it be added here that this lover about whom we speak need not necessarily be a young man saving for a wedding ring — this lover can be man, woman, child, or indeed any human creature on this earth.

Now, the beloved can also be of any description. The most outlandish people can be the stimulus for love. A man may be a doddering great-grandfather and still love only a strange girl he saw in the streets of Cheehaw one afternoon two decades past. The preacher may love a fallen woman. The beloved may be treacherous, greasy-headed, and given to evil habits. Yes, and the lover may see this as clearly as anyone else — but that does not affect the evolution of his love one whit. A most mediocre person can be the object of a love which is wild, extravagant, and beautiful as the poison lilies of the swamp. A good man may be the stimulus for a love both violent and debased, or a jabbering madman may bring about in the soul of someone a tender and simple idyll. Therefore, the value and quality of any love is determined solely by the lover himself.

It is for this reason that most of us would rather love than be loved. Almost everyone wants to be the lover. And the curt truth is that, in a deep secret way, the state of being beloved is intolerable to many. The beloved fears and hates the lover, and with the best of reasons. For the lover is forever trying to strip bare his beloved. The lover craves any possible relation with the beloved, even if this experience can cause him only pain.”

Well that was cheery.. not. Take some simple advice.  Set out each day to be the instrument of someone’s nice day, and see if this doesn’t pay dividends.  It’s the easiest way to take responsibility for your happiness, to let you “make” you, and not something else.  Make a full life for yourself, and you become the center of peoples affection, without doing anything more than taking responsibility for your own happiness.

 

 

 

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