I am offended

If a tree falls in the woods doe it make a sound?  There is a science that boarders on philosophy and religion that says a thing is neither black nor white until it is observed. If that is correct, then the answer is no.

More importantly, if observation creates reality, how much of the reality we see around us is created by the desire to see what we want to see?   And why am I asking these questions?  I had a conversation with an activist who directed quite a bit of micro-aggression at me.  It has caused me to do quite a bit of thinking.

Not too terribly long ago in  a BDSM support group for Afro-Americans*, I used the term Orientals.  I had not gotten the memo that this was politically incorrect now.  It makes sense though.  Americans hail from America.  Africans from Africa.  Europeans from Europe.  Australians from Australia.  People from Asia probably shouldn’t be called anything but Asians.

.*The group mentioned in paragraph three was the “The Dark Lair”, lead by SirGuy of NYC, and this was a wonderful experience.  Let me also give a shout out to SirGuy who is a hell of a great person. If you are near the NYC area, I strongly recommend attending Dark Lair workshops that are open to you.  I definitely learned quite a bit and was made to feel quite comfortable even with my gaff.   Their Fetlife page refers to the group as primarily for blacks and people of color.  So I should have just said black.  But for the last twenty years I have been trained to say Afro-American and now I carry a fear of saying the wrong thing.  I am constantly trying so hard to not be judged as prejudice that is boarders on uncomfortable and so it makes me doubly upsetting therefore when I am accused of being insensitive.  Maybe I should just stop trying, stop caring, and go with what i know is in my heart, assuming that if someone is going to hate me, they are going to no matter how hard I try or what I say.

If Martin Luther King were alive today, he might quite famously say:  People should be judged by the content of their character and not by the color of their skin, or their gender, or their age, or their sexual orientation. I don’t like feeling that I might be treated as a  prejudice idiot because I don’t know the language.  I hate walking on egg shells and there are so many strewn about these days.  Ageism, sexism, racism, the list goes on and on.

There is a concept that I feel is being lost and its this:  Though I may disagree with you and possibility even be deeply offended by what you say, I will defend to the death your right to say it.  At one time this might have included “hate speech” but no longer.  We are creating categories of speech and thought that are not permitted and its dangerous territory because there are so many activists whose reality sees some speech and thought as too dangerous to be allowed.  The important question becomes, who gets to decide this?  If I think something is wrong, of course I think THAT needs to be shut down but if its my personal area of offensive activism, then I don’t want MY speech and thought to be limited.

My area of activism is consent and BDSM.   The funny thing is, even in my own camp with my own kind, I will be at odds with some people that will disagree with my conclusions or think differently about what changes should be made.  Even in your own camp there is always some discord.  Some days I just want to move to Alaska with my slave, and spend my days working hard to sustain us, and my nights in ecstasy.  Or maybe Canada.  Nobody I know hates the Canadians. Oh wait, they are from the American continent, which makes them Americans too, right?  Ow! My head hurts now.

If you don’t think ideas are dangerous, make a list of words ending in “ism”. Every “ism” has followers willing to bitterly fight and possibly die over words. ~ Xtac Quote

What people do reveals what they really think and feel. Even if we do not ignore the words and do not observe actions consciously, we still know this instinctively. This is why trust takes so long. ~Xtac Quote

2 thoughts on “I am offended

  1. Great post. Being in placed like California and NY, you’re faced with this scenario from time to time. I had a sort of related story that emphasizes the ridiculousness trigger nature that sometimes exceeds rationality.

    My friend of 29 years (aka since diapers) was having his birthday party in Hollywood a couple weeks ago and all our old chums met up for the celebration got the first time in roughly a year.

    Surprisingly my typical forever alone friends are all in a decently serious relationship now and brought their lady to the event.

    After a few drinks my Portuguese friend said one of those semi-insensitive borderline racist comments and everyone at the table had a laugh except his black girlfriend who smacked him and called us racist for laughing at it.

    I then pointed around the table to the fact that every couple at the party was a variety of an interacial relationship literally covering every major continent of the world.

    In the era of Trump, I can understand why people are easily offended and fast to shout down someone they feel is infringing on the respect of their identity. But we have to be careful and take it with a grain of salt that some things aren’t worth making enemies out of those that are clearly allies of racial equality over one innocent slip up.

    Back to the ever present elephant in the room… my time studying bdsm under you has taught me a great deal of patience in the last month to look over a situation and contemplate it as a whole rationally before acting. If only more kids like me these days were willing to approach life in that manner, I feel many of today’s issues could be talked out and resolved.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. You are hardly a kid. Now > I < am a kid.. Just kidding.. but only slightly. Words… they sure are fun to play with but its what a person does that matters most. There is a famous quote from many centuries ago that says that the kids of today are a mess.. So much drama, for so very long. We never learn. I think the key is to step back and be amused. Problem with that is, when you chuckle at a pissed off person, they get more mad and then you have to be serious and explain yourself.. from a perspective they probably won't get .. sigh.. we as humans are often a mess. Did I mention Alaska?


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