My smoking jacket & pipe

I am the Master of my property.  This is a TPE or CNC relationship.  A long time ago, I started to be amused when my slave’s behavior needed correction but that’s a blog for another time.  On this particular day, while she was working she checked in as ordered.  I announced I was thinking of going to a movie this evening.

There is a line of thinking that a slave is not a slave unless they do the things they are told but don’t like, as well as the things they do like, AND that you should test this once in a while. She was thinking that the movie might also include dinner too that evening, but I had decided that the movie would no longer please me.

Now in a vanilla relation, you would talk first, see how the other feels about this offer being taken back off the table.  That’s not how we work.  Our priorities go like this:

  1. Slave’s needs
  2. Master’s needs
  3. Master’s wants
  4. Slave’s wants

It’s not that I don’t consider her wants, I just won’t do it if it conflicts with what I want. By days end, I just wasn’t feeling like going out anymore.  Events had made me more inclined for some Chinese food and a cultured evening in with my smoking jacket and my pipe.. yes I’m kidding but more on that later in this blog.

So after she had a shower and had dressed in something appealing to me, I announced that I had changed my mind and it would please me if she ordered Chinese, spicy for me, and ran out to get it. That matter was taken care of and she came back presently with the little containers of take out which she dutifully transferred to real china and served in the appropriate manner based on her protocols.. meaning she held the food for me in structured way, while waiting patiently for me to take it from her.

Since my change in plans had gone so smoothly, with absolutely no sign of regret or resistance I felt compelled to test her further that evening.  As she stood there holding the food I took my time to acknowledge her presence and when I did, rather than take the food, I looked straight into her eyes.    They were sparkling and a broad grin broke out on her face.  The bitch not only saw I was provoking her, she was looking forward to what sadistic test I might torment her with next.  This canvas on which I do my great creation of slave thought process has come so very far!

I took the food and motioned for her to join me.  We then went through our little “dining protocol” .  This is a matter in which she receives permission to start eating in such a way that is so subtle that I can and often do torture her with it in public.  Partly for the psychological sadism of denying her permission to start, and partly for the amusement that we are doing this BDSM thing in plain sight of folks who have no clue as to the drama going one before them.

Afterward, satisfied and pleased beyond words with my canvas, my property,  I settled in for a cultured evening with my smoking jacket and pipe.  Or at least my version of it.  She lay down with her head in my lap to read yet another chapter of the book we are sharing, while I got out the Xbox controller and listened with deep interest as I occupied a small part of my attention on some mindless fun.  It is strange how these little moments, like that brief sparkle in her eye, or the simple joy of a book shared, bring such deep joy.  Time for a quote:

It is strange to a Nilla, that in bondage, a slave finds freedom. But in keeping boundaries, these same people create a prison from which their hearts are never truly free. This is a sadness that pains and frustrates me. I wish they could see, what I see. ~Xtac quote

 

 

 

 

 

A new beginning

I’ve started blogs before.  MySpace, FaceBook, Blogger, GooglePlus.  They gain popularity, then fade or your words get lost in the clutter, sniping, and struggle to create and hold an audience.  These mediums all seems so transient, feeding a need for constant stimulation.  It’s the same old stuff, regurgitated over and over, always in new ways.  Its the constant search to be new, read, hot.  Its about feeding the stream.

I sometimes find it hollow, the craving for the latest, newest version of old words, old thoughts. A brilliant turn of words should be timeless. Some might be horrified by comments on old posts.  I disagree. We can’t always be brilliant, but in the course of steady production we often do manage to find a better way to touch what we already know, with words. A great thought should be worth “liking”, or commenting on, no matter how old, or so I reason. Ying and Yang, past and present.  Life’s like that, so let’s do this!

Like any writer, I would like to write something that lasts.  So very little does.  Being somewhat humble (can you say that and still be?), I don’t suppose I have anything to pen that is so brilliant that it will stand the test of time.  Yet again I bow to the irresistible force of now, this time determined to make it work.

My intention here is to scribble thoughts.  Some will have value.. ha!  ALL will have value, though often the value of a thing is in the fact it was a complete failure, a flag of caution to others to not go there.  What I don’t want to do is invest any concern in this.  If it stays or goes, is read or not, shouldn’t matter. My thought is to make a public diary, a stream of observations as they come to me, and not put any ego into its success.. ( ha! – speaking of ideas doomed to failure).  But seriously, if you follow and read long enough, you will find i have no emotions invested in the success of this venture.  Its about sharing, in the hope of better lives for us all.  Certainly that will be true for those close to me, who I can influence more effectively.

As I write this, I am still customizing my page so, I am not starting with the important stuff.. who I am, what I am, how life with X works.  I need time to customize my page, put up some warnings, get my colors appropriately dark, you know, stuff that matches the public perception of who and what a BDSM Master is.   Yeah, I threw down the “M” word, and yes to at least a few people, this is who I am.  Time for an “X” quote, something that you will see a lot of, if you follow me here.

The only titles of value are those acquired thru recognition by others. One claims that title by exercising that recognition, not asserting it. ~Xtac quote

What does that mean?  What is the significance?  Stick around, I’ll get to that in later blogs.

Initially, I wanted my WordPress domain to be xtac, but someone took that in 2006, which today would be ten years ago.  I wonder if it was me?  Could be.  Could be that I linked the xtac.WordPress domain to one of the many blogs or email addresses I’ve had over the years.  That’s just one more reason to not invest in an outcome to this project.  Since I can’t recall what I did then, I chose “Living with X”.  Many just call me “X” or “MasterX”.  Since my thoughts, and therefore my blog will certainly be largely about me and my property, and because I think the name has a nice, fireside chat feel to it, I said what the hell and ran with it.  It feels right.

I chose a chalkboard or blackboard theme to start with.  Maybe it will change later, but this too, feels right.  I lead a support group of Dominants, I give workshops, and am never so pleased as when I have the opportunity to school.. so yeah, the blackboard theme works.

I wasn’t sure what WordPress blog category this fit in.  I chose lifestyles.  I hope no one looking for travel blogs stumbles on this blog.  I used to say that you don’t have a right to “not be offended”.  I am not so sure about that anymore.  Ah well, that’s the danger (and amusement) in giving eight billion people the freedom to express their thoughts and then making it massively public.   Isn’t the internet wonderful?